1 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:06,976 AS YOU KNOW, THERE HAVE BEEN MANY GREAT BLACK FILMS... 2 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:08,976 "BLACK CAESAR," "BLACULA," "BLACK ON THIS SUCKA," 3 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,976 "YOU BLACKED MY MAMA," "WHO YOU CALLIN' BLACK?" 4 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:13,976 "GET BLACK JACK," "ALL THAT BLACK," AND THE VERY 5 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:16,976 POPULAR "SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE BLACK." 6 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:19,976 BUT TODAY, RIGHT HERE IN THE HEART OF THE BLACK COMMUNITY, WE 7 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:23,976 BEGIN PRODUCTION ON OUR GREATEST AND BLACKEST FILM EVER, CALLED 8 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,976 "BLACKITY BLACK BLACK BLACK"! 9 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:27,976 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. 10 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:28,977 MELVIN! 11 00:00:29,001 --> 00:00:31,976 I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO YOU! 12 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:32,977 NOT NOW, BILL COSBY. 13 00:00:33,001 --> 00:00:35,976 THERE HAS NEVER BEEN THIS MUCH BLACK CRAMMED IN A TITLE OR A 14 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:37,976 MOVIE BEFORE. 15 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:39,976 YOU NEED TO COME ON DOWN TO THE SET RIGHT NOW TO MEET OUR MOST 16 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:43,976 BELOVED STARS AND HEROES. RUDY RAY MOORE, PAM GRIER, 17 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:47,976 ANTONIO FARGAS, AND THE MAIN MAN HIMSELF, MR. JIM KELLY! 18 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:49,976 LOOK HERE, MY BEAUTIFUL WHITE SHE-DEVIL. 19 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:51,976 BUSINESS HAS BEEN A LITTLE SLOW FOR THE BLACK PUMAS THESE DAYS. 20 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:53,976 BUT IF YOU COULD PLEASE CUT OUR CABLE BACK ON, I WOULD BE... 21 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:55,976 BROTHER STUEY, LOOK AT THE TV SCREEN! 22 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,120 COME WITNESS THE MOST HISTORIC FILM IN THE MAKING. 23 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:00,976 YOU BETTER BE THERE OR BE SQUARE, BABY! 24 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:02,976 I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS SUCKER IS FILM IN IN OUR COMMUNITY. 25 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:04,976 AND HE AIN'T PAY US A DIME! 26 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:05,977 AND WE WANT ALL 10 PENNIES, TOO! 27 00:01:06,001 --> 00:01:07,976 [ PEOPLE SCREAMING I [ ROUND CHAMBERS ] 28 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:14,976 ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE ♪ HE'S DYNAMITE 29 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:20,976 ♪ SO DYNAMITE ♪ OOOHHH, OOOHHH 30 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:25,976 ♪ OOOHHH ♪ AHHHH 31 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:31,976 ♪ HE'S DYNAMITE ♪ DY-NO, DY-NO 32 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:37,000 ♪ OOOHHH, OOOHHH ♪ OOOOHHHH 33 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:44,000 ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE! >> THIS WEEK... 34 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:51,976 COME WITNESS THE MOST HISTORIC FILM IN... 35 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,976 Honey Bee: BLACK DYNAMITE, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DON'T WANT TO. 36 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,400 GO DOWN THERE AND SEE THE BIGGEST, BLACKEST MOVIE STARS EVER. 37 00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:57,977 Black Dynamite: WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ABOUT SEEING. 38 00:01:58,001 --> 00:01:59,976 "BLACKITY BLACK BLACK BLACK" ACTORS ON THE MOVIE SCREEN WHEN 39 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:02,200 WE LIVE THE LIVES OF REAL BLACKITY, BLACK, BLACK, BLACK 40 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:04,515 MOTHERFUCKERS EVERY DAY? >> Cream Corn: DAMN, 41 00:02:04,539 --> 00:02:05,976 BLACKY D, HOW COME BECAUSE YOU DON'T EVER. 42 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:06,977 LIKE TO DO SHIT WE ALL CAN'T LIKE TO DO SHIT 43 00:02:07,001 --> 00:02:08,976 Black Dynamite: I TELL YOU WHAT YOU CAN LIKE... YOUR ASS. 44 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:10,976 GETTIN' WHUPPED FOR CALLIN' ME "BLACKY D" AGAIN. 45 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:12,976 Honey Bee: I BET YOU WOULD MAKE A BAD-ASS MOVIE STAR, 46 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,000 BLACK DYNAMITE. MM-HMM! 47 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:15,977 Black Dynamite: THIS IS TRUE. 48 00:02:16,001 --> 00:02:17,976 ME AND OLD MELVIN GO WAY BACK, ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE DAYS OF 49 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:19,720 FUCKIN' >> Cream Corn: THE DAYS OF TRUCKIN'? 50 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:21,976 I DIDN'T KNOW YOU LIKED TRUCKIN', BLACK DYNAMITE. I LOVE THOSE HORNS. 51 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:22,977 TOOT, TOOT! 52 00:02:23,001 --> 00:02:24,976 Black Dynamite: NOT THE DAYS OF TRUCKIN'... THE DAYS OF. 53 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:25,977 FUCKIN' >> Bullhorn: MAN, IN THOSE DAYS, 54 00:02:26,001 --> 00:02:28,976 WE FUCKED IN CARS, BARS, TREES, AND EVEN UNDER THE SEA. 55 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:30,976 I FUCKED A BITCH ON TOP OF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING! 56 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,976 Black Dynamite: LOOK, SOMEBODY'S ROBBING ROSCOE'S BEAN. 57 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:33,977 PIES AND PORK RINDS! 58 00:02:34,001 --> 00:02:37,976 [ TIRES SCREECH ] >> WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! CUT! CUT! 59 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,976 [ BELL RINGS ] >> Honey Bee: OOPS. 60 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:41,976 Cream Corn: AND SKEETED ON THE STATUE OF LIBERTY! 61 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:43,976 [ LAUGHS ] BLACK DYNAMITE, I SHOULD HAVE 62 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:44,977 KNOWN. 63 00:02:45,001 --> 00:02:46,976 TAKE 10, EVERYBODY, AND LET'S GET SOME OF THESE DEAD STUNT MEN 64 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,000 OUT OF HERE. 65 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:49,977 OH, MAN, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE THE DAYS OF TRUCKIN'. 66 00:02:50,001 --> 00:02:51,976 Black Dynamite: YOU MEAN FUCKIN' 67 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,976 YEAH, I ALWAYS GET THOSE TWO MIXED UP. HOW'S IT SWINGING? 68 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:55,760 Black Dynamite: LOW LIKE A SWEET CHARIOT. 69 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:57,760 [ LAUGHS ] THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT. 70 00:02:58,000 --> 00:02:59,976 Black Dynamite: SORRY ABOUT KILLING AND/OR MORTALLY WOUNDING. 71 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:01,360 ALL YOUR STUNT MEN. DON'T WORRY. 72 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:02,977 THESE MOTHAFUCKAS LOVE TO DIE. 73 00:03:03,001 --> 00:03:04,976 SO, THIS MUST BE THE INFAMOUS BLACK DYNAMITE CREW I'VE HEARD 74 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:06,680 SO MUCH ABOUT. Cream Corn: IN THE FLESH! 75 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:10,976 MY NAME IS CREAM CORN, CERTIFIED PIMP AND REST HAVEN FOR HOES. 76 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,960 [ CHUCKLES ] >> WELL, IT'S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU. 77 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:15,976 COME ON, LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO OUR STARS. 78 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:16,977 Cream Corn: HEY, YOU LOOK JUST LIKE ME. 79 00:03:17,001 --> 00:03:18,976 OR DO I LOOK JUST LIKE YOU? 80 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:19,977 OR DID YOUR DADDY FUCK MY MAMA? 81 00:03:20,001 --> 00:03:22,976 Bullhorn: MELVIN VAN P, WHO THE FUCK IS HE SUPPOSED TO. 82 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:23,977 BE? 83 00:03:24,001 --> 00:03:25,976 RUDY RAY MOORE IS MY NAME, AND FUCKIN' UP MOTHAFUCKAS IS MY 84 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:26,977 GAME. 85 00:03:27,001 --> 00:03:29,976 Bullhorn: WELL, RUDY, YOU MIGHT BE THE MAN ON THE SILVER. 86 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,976 SCREEN, BUT BULLHORN'S THE MEANEST MOTHAFUCKA YOU EVER DID 87 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,640 SEEN. WHY, YOU BORN-INSECURE MOTHAFUCKA 88 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,976 I MADE GODZILLA SUCK MY DICK WHILE KING KONG HELD THE BALLS. 89 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,976 I WHUPPED A SKYSCRAPER'S ASS AND MADE ALL THE LONDON BRIDGES 90 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:41,977 FALL. 91 00:03:42,001 --> 00:03:44,976 Bullhorn: MAN, I ATE AN OIL TANKER, AND IT DIDN'T GIVE ME. 92 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,760 GAS. I WALKED BY THE DEVIL AND BURNT HIS ASS. 93 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:49,976 I SWAM IN THE SUN AND SKINNY-DIPPED ON THE MOON. 94 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,976 I FUCKED URANUS IN HER ASS AND MADE THE BITCH CRAWL TO NEPTUNE. 95 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,976 MOTHERFUCKER YOU! OKAY, OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH, RUDY. 96 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:55,977 SAVE THAT SHIT FOR THE FILM. 97 00:03:56,001 --> 00:03:57,976 Honey Bee: BLACK DYNAMITE, THIS GOT TO BE BREAKING SOME. 98 00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:59,976 KIND OF COPYRIGHT RULES OR SOMETHING. 99 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:00,977 THIS BITCH LOOKS JUST LIKE ME, EXCEPT FOR THEM LITTLE TITTIES. 100 00:04:01,001 --> 00:04:02,976 Black Dynamite: LOOK, I'M SURE THAT ANY OF THESE. 101 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:05,976 CHARACTERS' SIMILARITIES TO ANYONE ALIVE OR DEAD IS PURELY 102 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:07,120 COINCIDENTAL. RIGHT, MELVIN? 103 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:08,977 UH, UH-HUH. YEAH, YEAH. 104 00:04:09,001 --> 00:04:10,976 [ LAUGHTER ] >> THAT'S RIGHT, BABY. 105 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:14,976 I LOOKED HIM RIGHT IN HIS LITTLE CHINESE EYES AND SAID, "BULLSHIT" 106 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,976 "MR. HAN MAN!" [ LAUGHTER ] 107 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:17,977 JIM KELLY, BLACK DYNAMITE. 108 00:04:18,001 --> 00:04:19,976 BLACK DYNAMITE, JIM KELLY. 109 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:21,976 Black Dynamite: MELVIN, THE SIMILARITIES BETWEEN JIM KELLY. 110 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,976 AND BLACK DYNAMITE CANNOT BE PURELY COINCIDENTAL. 111 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:27,000 OH, OKAY, YOU GOT ME. I... LOOK, MELVIN, I GOT NO TIME 112 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:28,977 FOR MALE GROUPIES, YOU DIG? 113 00:04:29,001 --> 00:04:30,976 MAN, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU COME RIGHT OUT OF A COMIC BOOK. 114 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:31,977 Black Dynamite: LOOK HERE, JIM KELLY. 115 00:04:32,001 --> 00:04:33,976 BLACK DYNAMITE IS BLACKER THAN THE ACE OF SPADES AND MORE OF A 116 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,976 STAR THAN YOU AND THIS WHOLE BLACK CAST PUT TOGETHER. 117 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,976 AND WHILE YOU IN FRONT OF THEM MOVIE CAMERAS PRETENDING TO 118 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,976 FUCK UP SUCKERS AND STICK IT TO THE MAN, I'M IN THE STREETS 119 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:42,976 FOR REAL, PROTECTING THE COMMUNITY AND TAKING OUT ANY 120 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:44,976 JIVE-ASS TURKEY THAT GETS IN MY WAY. 121 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,976 NOW, I SUGGEST YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP WHEN A REAL BLACK 122 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:48,600 HERO IS TELLING YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP! 123 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:49,977 UM... 124 00:04:50,001 --> 00:04:52,976 BLACK DYNAMITE, SUDDENLY, I WOULD LIKE TO LEAVE YOUR ISLAND. 125 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,000 [ CHUCKLES ] I LOVE IT WHEN HE TALKS IN MOVIE 126 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:56,000 LINES. MR. VAN PEEBLES! 127 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:58,976 MR. VAN PEEBLES! HEY, MY ASSISTANT, YOUNG SPIKE LEE. 128 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:00,000 WHAT'S SHAKIN', BABY? 129 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:01,977 YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE TO YOUR 3:00 MéNAGE ET TROIS, WHICH IS. 130 00:05:02,001 --> 00:05:03,976 RUNNING RIGHT INTO YOUR 3:30 QUICKIE, AND NOT TO MENTION YOUR 131 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:05,976 DICK SUCK AT 4:00. OKAY, OKAY, PUT THEM ALL TOGETHER. 132 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:06,977 HEY, SHOW BUSINESS CALLS. 133 00:05:07,001 --> 00:05:08,976 WHY DON'T Y'ALL HANG AROUND FOR A WHILE? 134 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,976 WE GOT FREE ROSCOE'S BUTTERY BITCHES AND WAFFLES, ALL YOU CAN 135 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:12,760 EAT. Black Dynamite: I DON'T KNOW, MELVIN. 136 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:13,977 Cream Corn: FREE ROSCOE'S BITCHES AND WAFFLES? 137 00:05:14,001 --> 00:05:15,976 YOU KNOW I LIKE MY BITCHES BUTTERY, BLACK DYNAMITE. 138 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:16,977 WAFFLES, BITCHES, BUTTER, ALL THAT! 139 00:05:17,001 --> 00:05:19,976 BY THE WAY, BILL COSBY LEFT YOU A BUNCH OF MESSAGES. 140 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:20,977 YOU MIGHT WANT TO LISTEN TO THEM. 141 00:05:21,001 --> 00:05:23,976 [ ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS I OHHHH, IT'S ME, BILL COSBY. 142 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:27,976 HEY, UM, MELVIN, I HAD SOME CONCERNS ABOUT THE FILM. 143 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:29,720 [ ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS ] ...COSBY AGAIN. 144 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:30,977 CAN YOU CALL ME BACK? 145 00:05:31,001 --> 00:05:32,976 I HAVE CONCERNS ABOUT THE MOV... [ ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS ] 146 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,976 ME BACK, PLEASE? THE MOVIE. [ ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS ] 147 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,976 DYING TO TALK TO YOU LIKE A CIVILIZED... 148 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:37,977 [ ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS ] CALL ME BA... 149 00:05:38,001 --> 00:05:39,976 [ ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS ] FILTH FLARN FLARN! 150 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,976 [ ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS ] HEY, MELV... 151 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:42,977 [ ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS ] FILTH... 152 00:05:43,001 --> 00:05:45,976 [ BEEP ] FLARN... [ BEEP ] OHH! 153 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:46,977 [ BEEPS ] [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 154 00:05:47,001 --> 00:05:48,976 OH, YEAH, I ALMOST FORGOT... THERE'S THREE GIRLS HERE THAT 155 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,400 SAID YOU PROMISED THEM AN AUDITION. 156 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:50,977 THEY GOT FIVE MINUTES. 157 00:05:51,001 --> 00:05:52,976 SEND THEM IN. 158 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:53,977 ALL RIGHT, GIRLS, I ONLY HAVE A COUPLE OF ROLES LEFT, SO THE 159 00:05:54,001 --> 00:05:55,976 COMPETITION... [ UNZIPPING ] ...IS STIFF. 160 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:57,320 THE PUT THE DICK AWAY, MELVIN. 161 00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:58,000 WE AIN'T COME HERE FOR THAT. WE DIDN'T?! 162 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,976 BLACK PUMA LEADER STUEY FIG NEWTON AND TWO OTHER 163 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,320 MEMBERS OF THE BLACK PUMA PARTY? HOW DID Y'ALL GET IN HERE? 164 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,976 DISGUISED AS THREE BITCHES THAT WANT TO FUCK YOU. THAT'S HOW. 165 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:06,977 DAMN, Y'ALL PUMAS ARE SOME SNEAKY BITCHES. 166 00:06:07,001 --> 00:06:09,976 WAIT. SO, WE NOT FUCKIN' HIM? YOU KNOW THE SHAKEDOWN RULES, 167 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,600 BROTHER. YOU DON'T AS MUCH AS TAKE A SHIT IN OUR COMMUNITY WITHOUT 168 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,976 PAYING US BEFORE YOU WIPE YOUR ASS. COME ON, STUEY. 169 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,976 I'M ALWAYS PAYING YOU PUMAS. 170 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:18,976 DAMN, HOW MUCH DOES THE REVOLUTION COST? 171 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,976 THIS AIN'T FOR NO REVOLUTION, SUCKER. 172 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,760 IT'S FOR OUR CABLE BILL. SH-SH-SH-SHUT UP. 173 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:27,976 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS I >> Black Dynamite: LITTLE. 174 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,976 SPIKE LEE, I SUGGEST YOU DO THE RIGHT THING AND TELL ME WHAT THE 175 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:31,977 FUCK Y'ALL ARE DOING AROUND MY CAR. 176 00:06:32,001 --> 00:06:33,976 I'M SORRY, BLACK DYNAMITE, BUT SENSEI JIM KELLY SAYS HE 177 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,976 LIKES YOUR CAR AND THAT HE WANTS TO DRIVE IT IN THE MOVIE. 178 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,976 Black Dynamite: SENSEI JIM KELLY IS ABOUT TO DRIVE MY. 179 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,160 FOOT UP HIS ASS. WHEN IT COMES, I WON'T EVEN NOTICE. 180 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:41,977 Black Dynamite: AND WHY IS THAT? 181 00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:46,976 BECAUSE I WILL BE TOO BUSY LOOKIN' GOOD. 182 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:48,320 COME ON, MAN. THAT'S ALL I GOT. 183 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:50,976 I PUT EVERY PENNY I HAD INTO THIS "BLACKITY BLACK BLACK" 184 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:51,977 "BLACK" FILM! 185 00:06:52,001 --> 00:06:54,976 WELL, I GUESS THAT'S YOUR BLACKITY, BLACK, BLACK ASS! 186 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:58,976 ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE Black Dynamite: SORRY, 187 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,976 MELVIN, I DIDN'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT YOUR 188 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,976 MéNAGE-A-FOUR AND DESTROY YOUR TRAILER AND PUT MY FOOT UP YOUR. 189 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,976 BLACK STAR'S ASS, BUT THAT TURKEY WAS WAY OUT OF LINE. 190 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:06,977 NO PROBLEM. 191 00:07:07,001 --> 00:07:08,976 THESE BITCHES WERE JUST LEAVING, UNLESS OF COURSE THEY WANT TO 192 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:10,976 HANG AROUND AND GIVE YOU SOME ACTION, TOO. 193 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:12,976 NO, THAT'S OKAY. BYE, MELVIN! I'll SEE YOU SOON! 194 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,976 DON'T CALL ME! 195 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,976 I'll CALL YOU, BITCHES! LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT. 196 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:17,977 ARE WE FUCKING HIM OR NOT? 197 00:07:18,001 --> 00:07:19,976 Black Dynamite: LOOK MELVIN, MAYBE BLACK DYNAMITE'S JUST TOO. 198 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,976 REAL TO BE AROUND MOTHERFUCKERS WHO ACT LIKE THEY'RE REAL. 199 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,976 I THINK WE'RE GONNA GO. ARE YOU KIDDING ME, MAN? 200 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:25,976 I COULD USE A REAL BAD-ASS LIKE YOU AROUND HERE, JACK, FOR, UH, 201 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:27,976 INSPIRATION. 202 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:31,976 ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE BITCH, YOU KNOW MY BALLS 203 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,976 DON'T WEAR COTTON DRAWERS. 204 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,976 MR. MOORE, YOUR HAIR IS NEEDED IN HAIR IN 10 MINUTES. 205 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:40,976 I'M COMIN' MOTHERFUCKER! MRS. GRIER, YOUR TITTIES ARE 206 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:42,976 NEEDED IN M... AH! AH! 207 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:46,976 [ DOOR SLAMS ] >> SENSEI KELLY? 208 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:47,977 I'M COMIN'. 209 00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:49,976 STILL TRYIN' TO GET BLACK DYNAMITE'S SHOE OUT MY 210 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:51,000 ASS. OHH! UNCONSCIOUS. 211 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:54,976 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS I ALL RIGHT, QUIET ON THE SET! 212 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,976 OKAY, ANTONIO, THIS THE BIG SCENE WHERE YOUR MAMA HAS BEEN 213 00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:58,976 ON THE STROLL ALL DAY, BUT SHE AIN'T GOT YOUR MONEY. 214 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:00,976 SO, WHY DON'T YOU GIVE HER A LITTLE MOTIVATION? 215 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,976 NOW, DO YOU WANT A 45-DEGREE "CLEOPATRA JONES" SLAP, OR YOU 216 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,976 WANT A "COME BACK, CHARLESTON BLUE" 217 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:06,977 UPPER SLAP? 218 00:08:07,001 --> 00:08:08,976 [ LAUGHS ] WHATEVER YOU THINK SHE DESERVES, BABY! 219 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,240 JUST MAKE IT LOOK REAL. COOL. 220 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:12,976 AND ACTION! 221 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,976 ACTION! ACTION! 222 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:18,976 WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN THERE? 223 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:21,976 [ TIRES SCREECH ] >> MR. VAN PEEBLES, ALL OF OUR 224 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,880 BLACK STARS ARE GONE! AIN'T NOBODY SEEN NOTHIN'! 225 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:24,977 NOBODY, NOBODY, NOBODY! 226 00:08:25,001 --> 00:08:28,976 NO-NO-NOBODY! 227 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:33,976 [ CELL DOOR SLAMS ] >> YOU WILL NOT SAY FILTH 228 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:38,976 FLAWRIN FLAWRIN FILTH IN FRONT OF PEOPLE EVER AGAIN! 229 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,976 DUHHHH! 230 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:44,000 ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] 231 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,976 Black Dynamite: HMM? 232 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:57,976 NOW, THIS IS SOME HEAVY SHIT. 233 00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:59,240 OH, MAN, WHAT AM I GONNA DO? 234 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,976 Honey Bee: I CAN ONLY IMAGINE HOW MUCH MONEY WAS SPENT ON THIS. 235 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,280 MOVIE, MELVIN. FUCK THE MONEY! 236 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:04,977 DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PUSSY I WOULD HAVE GOT? 237 00:09:05,001 --> 00:09:06,976 Black Dynamite: DON'T COUNT THAT PUSSY OUT YET, MELVIN. 238 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,640 I FOUND A CLUE. THE REVERSE STRIP CLUB? 239 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,976 NOW, THIS IS SOME HEAVY SHIT. 240 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,976 Black Dynamite: SOME HEAVY SHIT. 241 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:13,977 I KNOW. 242 00:09:14,001 --> 00:09:15,976 THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE THAT WHOEVER LIKES TO WATCH FUNKY 243 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,976 MOOSE KNUCKLES SLIDE UP AND DOWN POLES AT THIS JOINT ALSO 244 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,880 KIDNAPPED YOUR BLACK STARS. DON'T WORRY, MELVIN. 245 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:21,976 I'M GONNA SHOW YOU HOW A REAL ACTION HERO SAVES THE DAY. 246 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:22,977 I'M ON THE CASE. 247 00:09:23,001 --> 00:09:25,521 THANKS, BLACK DYNAMITE, BUT WHO KNOWS HOW LONG THAT'LL TAKE? 248 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,976 I STILL NEED TO STAY ON SCHEDULE. >> Cream Corn: WELL SHIT WE LOOK JUST LIKE THEM. 249 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,430 MAYBE WE CAN STAND IN FOR A WHILE. >> Black. 250 00:09:30,454 --> 00:09:31,976 Dynamite: THAT'S A DUMB-ASS IDEA, CREAM CORN. 251 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:32,977 THAT'S A GREAT IDEA, CREAM CORN. 252 00:09:33,001 --> 00:09:34,976 FELLAS, WE HAVE OUR NEW STARS. 253 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:36,976 GET THEM IN MAKEUP PRONTO. 254 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:40,976 WELCOME TO THE COSBY COON REMOVAL PROGRAM. 255 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:45,976 IN 24 HOURS, YOU WILL BE CONVERTED FROM SELF-DEGRADING 256 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:50,000 BLAXPLOITATION FILM STARS TO UPSTANDING, INTELLIGENT, 257 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:54,976 DIGNIFIED REPRESENTATIVES OF THE BLACK RACE. 258 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:58,976 AND BLAXPLOITATION WILL BE A THING OF THE PAST! 259 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:02,976 NOW, HERE ARE THE SCRIPTS FOR MY NEW SHOW THAT WILL REPRESENT 260 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:05,976 A CLEAN, WHOLESOME IMAGE OF THE BLACK COMMUNITY THAT YOU WILL 261 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:08,976 ALL BE STARRING IN, CALLED... 262 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,240 "THE HUXTABLES." ANY QUESTIONS? 263 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,976 WELL, WHAT IF WE SAY NO? 264 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,976 BROWN HORNET? 265 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,976 NOW, CREAM CORN, THIS SHOULD BE EASY FOR YOU, BEING THAT YOU 266 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:20,976 ARE A REAL PIMP. 267 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,976 NOW, YOUR LINE IS, "BITCH, WHERE'S MY MONEY?" 268 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,976 Cream Corn: UH, UH, OKAY. 269 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,976 AND ACTION! 270 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:30,600 Cream Corn: UM, GIRL... I-I-I MEAN, BITCH, UM... WELL, I AIN'T. 271 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,976 MEAN TO CALL YOU BITCH, BUT, UH, COULD YOU GIVE ME MY MONEY, 272 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:32,977 PLEASE? 273 00:10:33,001 --> 00:10:34,976 CUT! 274 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,976 Black Dynamite: MOMS MABLEY? 275 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:38,976 HMM. SHE JUST "MABLEY" BE NEXT. 276 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:39,977 I SHOULD CHECK IT OUT. 277 00:10:40,001 --> 00:10:42,976 COMING TO THE STAGE IS A BEAUTIFUL, WRETCHED HOE THAT HAS 278 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:45,360 TURNED EVERY TRICK IN THE BOOK, BUT IS NOW LOOKIN' FOR SOME 279 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:45,977 SELF-RESPECT, Y'ALL. 280 00:10:46,001 --> 00:10:50,976 GIVE IT UP FOR ANTI-BIOTICA! 281 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:56,976 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ♪ PUT ON THAT BIG BLOUSE 282 00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:59,976 ♪ THESE IS MIGHTY ♪ KEEP YOUR TITTIES FROM 283 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:01,976 FALLING OUT ♪ >> Black Dynamite: SAY, MAMA, IS 284 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,976 IT ME, OR ARE THOSE CATS PAYING CHICKS TO PUT THEIR CLOTHES ON? 285 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:04,977 THAT'S THE DEAL, DADDY. 286 00:11:05,001 --> 00:11:07,976 HERE WE GET PAID TO RESPECT OURSELVES. 287 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:08,977 YOU WANT A PRIVATE DANCE? 288 00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:11,976 I'll GO GET NAKED, SO I CAN COVER UP JUST FOR YOU. 289 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:12,977 Black Dynamite: UH, NO, THANKS, BUT YOU CAN TELL ME. 290 00:11:13,001 --> 00:11:14,976 WHERE I CAN FIND MOMS MABLEY. 291 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:19,000 HER UNDRESSING ROOM IS RIGHT THERE TO THE RIGHT. 292 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:21,976 Black Dynamite: MISS MABLEY, I'M BLACK DYNAMITE. 293 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,040 HOT DAMN, I BET YOU IS. 294 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:24,977 COME ON IN. I WON'T BITE YOU. 295 00:11:25,001 --> 00:11:26,976 MY TEETH IS WAY OVER THERE. 296 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,976 [ LAUGHS ] >> Black Dynamite: NOW, I AIN'T. 297 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:30,976 GOT TIME TO EXPLAIN, BUT THERE MAY BE DANGER LURKIN' AROUND 298 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,976 EACH AND EVERY NIPPLE OF THIS TITTY BAR. 299 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,976 WHATEVER MOTHERFUCKER. IS YOU EATING PUSSY OR NOT? 300 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,976 Black Dynamite: UH, EXCUSE ME? 301 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,976 LOOK, YOU CAN EITHER LICK IT OR STICK IT, BUT QUIT IT IF YOU 302 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:39,977 CAN'T DO NOTHIN' WITH IT. 303 00:11:40,001 --> 00:11:42,321 IF YOU CAN DO SOMETHIN' WITH IT, MOTHERFUCKER COME GET IT! 304 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,976 Black Dynamite: [ GULPS ] MAYBE THE BITCH SHOULD GET. 305 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,520 KIDNAPPED. SHIT IT'S BLACK DYNAMITE. 306 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,000 RUN! 307 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:56,977 OH SHIT MAN, I'M TIRED AS HELL! 308 00:11:57,001 --> 00:11:58,976 I THOUGHT BLACK PEOPLE SUPPOSED TO BE SPRINTERS. 309 00:11:59,000 --> 00:11:59,977 THIS GUYS DOING A GODDAMN MARATHON. 310 00:12:00,001 --> 00:12:05,976 WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?! Black Dynamite: WHERE ARE THE. 311 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,976 "BLACKITY BLACK BLACK" ACTORS THAT YOU KIDNAPPED, AND WHERE 312 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,976 ARE THEY KIDNAPPED AT? WE DIDN'T KIDNAP NOBODY, BLACK DYNAMITE! 313 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,976 ALL WE DID WAS DRESS UP LIKE SOME BITCHES SO WE COULD AMBUSH 314 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,976 MELVIN FOR SOME DUES SO WE COULD GET OUR CABLE BACK ON! 315 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:14,977 Black Dynamite: SO, YOU WERE THE THREE UGLY BITCHES. 316 00:12:15,001 --> 00:12:16,976 DAMN, Y'ALL SOME SNEAKY PUMAS. 317 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,976 THE KIDNAPPERS DROPPED A CLUE THAT LED ME TO THIS CLUB. 318 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:19,977 SO, IF IT AIN'T YOU, WHY YOU HERE? 319 00:12:20,001 --> 00:12:21,976 LOOK, MAN, WE JUST HERE TO ENJOY OURSELVES, THROW A COUPLE 320 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:23,976 DRAWERS ON THE STAGE, AND GIVE A FEW BITCHES THEIR DIGNITY BACK. 321 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:25,520 MAN, I PROMISE! WE AIN'T KIDNAP NOBODY! 322 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,976 Black Dynamite: THEN WHO DID IT, DAMN IT? 323 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:27,977 WHO? 324 00:12:28,001 --> 00:12:29,976 BILL COSBY... THAT'S WHO! 325 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,976 WE HEARD THE WORD ON THE STREET THAT THIS WAS HIS HANGOUT. >> Black Dynamite: WAIT. 326 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:32,977 COSBY, LIKE JELL-O PUDDING, DATE-RAPIN' COSBY? 327 00:12:33,001 --> 00:12:34,976 WHY WOULD HE DO IT? 328 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:35,977 WORD ON THE STREET IS HE'S STARTING A REVOLUTION TO CHANGE 329 00:12:36,001 --> 00:12:37,976 BLACK TELEVISION AND FILM, AND THAT'S ALL I KNOW, MAN. 330 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:38,977 Black Dynamite: WHAT ELSE? 331 00:12:39,001 --> 00:12:40,976 WHAT OTHER WORDS WERE ON THAT STREET, DAMN IT? 332 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,976 OKAY, OKAY, THE WORD ON THE STREET DID SAY ONE MORE THING. 333 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,976 IF COSBY CAN'T STOP ALL THE BLACK ACTORS FROM COONIN' AND 334 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,976 JIVIN' IN HOLLYWOOD, HE SAID HE'S GONNA KILL THEM ALL. 335 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:50,000 ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE [ TELEPHONE RINGS ] 336 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:01,977 HUXTABLE RESIDENCE. 337 00:13:02,001 --> 00:13:05,976 NAH, DENISE AIN'T HOME, SUCKER, BUT I GOT PLENTY OF OTHER HOES 338 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,976 THAT WILL STUDY WITH YOU AND SUCK YOUR... 339 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,976 CUT! CUT! NO! NO! NO! 340 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:14,976 THEODORE WOULD NEVER SAY "AIN'T" AND "SUCKER" AND "FILTH FLARN 341 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:15,977 FILTH"! 342 00:13:16,001 --> 00:13:17,976 JUST READ WHAT'S ON THE PAPER! 343 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:21,976 LOOK, POPS, I'M SORRY, BUT MY MOUTH JUST DON'T FORM NO SQUARE 344 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,440 WORDS, YOU DIG? I GOT TO ACT LIKE ME. 345 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:28,976 LOOK, I AM TRYING TO CREATE THE MOST ETHICAL BLACK FAMILY 346 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:30,976 SHOW IN THE WORLD! 347 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:34,976 AND I NEED YOU TO ALL BEHAVE LIKE JELL-O PUDDING-POP EATING, 348 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:38,976 COKE-AND-A-SMILE-HAVING, COLORFUL-SWEATER-WEARING 349 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:39,977 HUXTABLES! 350 00:13:40,001 --> 00:13:42,976 NOW SET UP THE NEXT SCENE, PLEASE! 351 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,976 CLAIRE! CLAIRE! 352 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:46,976 MOTHERFUCKER I'M CALLING YOU! 353 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:47,977 I'M COMING, SUCKER. 354 00:13:48,001 --> 00:13:50,976 I WAS BAKING SOME COOKIES FOR YOUR RAGGEDY ASS. 355 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:52,976 BITCH, YOU KNOW I DON'T WANT NO DUNCAN HINES. 356 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,976 I WANT SOME OF THAT NOOKIE COOKIE FROM THE FRONT DOOR OF 357 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:57,480 YOUR BEHIND. CUT! CUT! THAT'S IT. 358 00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,976 WE AIN'T GOT TO PUT UP WITH THIS SHIT 359 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:00,977 LET'S GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE. 360 00:14:01,001 --> 00:14:05,976 YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE! 361 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:09,976 IT IS NOW CLEAR YOU WILL NOT PERFORM WITH SELF-RESPECT AND 362 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,976 DECENCY, SO I HAVE TO REPROGRAM YOU. 363 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,976 IT IS TIME FOR PHASE TWO. 364 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,976 LET THE REPROGRAMMING BEGIN. 365 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:21,976 DOUBLE DUHHHH! 366 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:26,976 ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE [ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ] 367 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,976 OKAY, ON "ACTION," I WANT YOU TO JUMP OFF THIS SIX-STORY 368 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:33,976 BUILDING, AND HOPEFULLY YOU'LL LAND ON THIS AIR MATTRESS, OKAY? 369 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:34,000 Honey Bee: OKAY, OKAY. WAIT. WHAT YOU SAY? 370 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:39,976 ACTION! 371 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,976 [ SHOUTING CONTINUES I >> Honey Bee: WAIT. 372 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:42,977 WHAT THE HELL? 373 00:14:43,001 --> 00:14:44,976 ARE THESE MOTHERFUCKERS THROWING FRUIT? 374 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,000 OW! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! 375 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:48,000 UGH! WHOA! 376 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:49,977 CUT! CUT! 377 00:14:50,001 --> 00:14:52,976 [ SHOUTING CONTINUES ] Bullhorn: MAN, I DONE READ. 378 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,976 EVERY MOTHERFUCKING LINE IN THIS SCRIPT FROM HEAD TO TOE, AND I 379 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,976 AIN'T SEE NO SCENE WHERE MY ASS GETS HIT WITH A "TO-MAY-TO" OR A 380 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:00,976 "TO-MAH-TO"! CREAM CORN, THIS WAS A DUMB-ASS IDEA. 381 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,976 Honey Bee: BLACK DYNAMITE, BLACK DYNAMITE, WHERE ARE YOU? 382 00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:05,976 I'll BE DAMNED IF I'M GONNA BE KILLED BY A GRAPEFRUIT OR A. 383 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,000 BANANA. 384 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,976 Black Dynamite: DO YOU KNOW WHERE BILL COSBY IS? 385 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,976 DO Y'ALL KNOW WHERE BILL COSBY IS? TELL ME WHERE BILL COSBY IS, OR I'M-A... 386 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,976 MOTHERFUCKER CHECK THE JELL-O PUDDING PLANT. 387 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,976 Black Dynamite: I ALREADY BEEN TO THE GODDAMN JELL-O PLANT. 388 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,976 [ AUDIENCE GASPS I [ CLEARS THROAT ] 389 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:22,000 S-SO, I SAID TO THE CHINAMAN, "I THREW THAT SHIT BEFORE I WALKED" 390 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:25,000 "IN THE ROOM!" UH, WELL FUCK Y'ALL. 391 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:29,976 [ BLUES MUSIC PLAYS ] ♪ 'CAUSE THE CARS TOOK 392 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:31,976 THEM AWAY ♪ >> AS YOU CAN SEE, THE BLACK 393 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,976 COMMUNITY IS IN AN UPROAR, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. 394 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,976 THE NEGRO STARS HAVE BEEN STOLEN, AND APPARENTLY THEIR 395 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,976 LESS-THAN-TALENTED REPLACEMENTS AREN'T BEING RECEIVED VERY WELL. 396 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,976 IF ONLY THERE WAS A REAL HERO OUT THERE THAT COULD SAVE THESE 397 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:45,000 ACTORS, SOMEONE THAT'S BIG, BLACK, AND DYNAMITE! 398 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:46,977 BUT RIGHT NOW, IT SEEMS AS THOUGH THERE ISN'T. 399 00:15:47,001 --> 00:15:49,976 Black Dynamite: MAN, THESE BLACK STARS REALLY MEAN A LOT TO. 400 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:50,977 THIS COMMUNITY. 401 00:15:51,001 --> 00:15:52,976 IN THE MOVIES, THE HERO ALWAYS GETS HIS MAN. 402 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,976 WHY CAN'T I? 403 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:56,976 MAYBE BLACK DYNAMITE AIN'T THE REAL BLACKITY, BLACK, BLACK, 404 00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:57,977 BLACK HERO HE THOUGHT HE WAS. 405 00:15:58,001 --> 00:15:59,976 WELL FUCK YOU, TOO! 406 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,976 I DON'T KNOW WHY THE HELL MY MANAGER WOULD BOOK MY NASTY ASS 407 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:06,976 AT A SQUARE MOTHERFUCKING CLUB LIKE THIS, ANYWAY. 408 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:07,977 WHY THE LONG FACE, HONEY? 409 00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:09,976 YOU LOOK LIKE YOU LOST YOUR DICK. 410 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,976 Black Dynamite: NAH, I STILL GOT MY DICK, MOMS MABLEY. 411 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:12,977 WHAT I DON'T HAVE IS BILL COSBY. 412 00:16:13,001 --> 00:16:14,976 HE'S KIDNAPPED ALL THE BLACK STARS, AND I CAN'T FIND HIM. 413 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,976 YOU LOOKIN' FOR BILL? 414 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:19,976 ME AND BILL GO WAY BACK TO THE DAYS OF FUCKIN' BUT THE ONLY 415 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:21,976 PROBLEM WAS, HE WASN'T DOIN' NO FUCKIN' 416 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:23,976 IN FACT, HE DIDN'T EVEN WANT ME TO TALK ABOUT FUCKIN' 417 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:24,977 SHIT, THAT'S MY WHOLE ACT. 418 00:16:25,001 --> 00:16:26,976 Black Dynamite: SO, YOU CAN SHOW ME WHERE TO FIND HIM SO. 419 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,976 THAT BLACK DYNAMITE CAN PROVE TO HIS COMMUNITY HE'S THE REAL 420 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:31,976 BAD-ASS ACTION HERO HE KNOWS HE IS? OF COURSE, BABY. 421 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:32,977 Black Dynamite: THANK YOU, MOMS MABLEY. 422 00:16:33,001 --> 00:16:34,976 RIGHT AFTER YOU THROW ME ONE RIGHT QUICK. 423 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:35,977 Black Dynamite: WHAT? 424 00:16:36,001 --> 00:16:37,976 HEY, WITH GREAT DICK COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY. 425 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:39,976 [ LAUGHS ] >> Black Dynamite: ALL RIGHT, 426 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,976 COME ON, LET'S HURRY THIS SHIT UP. 427 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:46,000 ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE >> AAH! 428 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:47,977 NO! NO! NO! 429 00:16:48,001 --> 00:16:50,976 NOW, WHERE IS COCKROACH? 430 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:52,976 HERE I AM. 431 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,976 AAH! 432 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,976 NOW, YOU KNOWS I'M A FREAK, SO GET ON YOUR KNEES LIKE 433 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,976 "A WHORA," OR I'M GONNA HAVE YOU ON THE STREET SELLIN' THAT 434 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:02,160 BUSH MEAT "DOORA" TO "DOORA"! 435 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:03,977 THAT'S NOT THE LINE! 436 00:17:04,001 --> 00:17:05,976 YOU DON'T SAY "DOORA"! 437 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:07,000 THE LETTER IS "R"! 438 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:10,976 IT'S "R," AS IN "ARE YOU STUPID?" 439 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,976 AAH! 440 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:17,976 "ARRA" MOTHERFUCKER "ARRA"! 441 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,976 "R." "R." 442 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,976 ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, MOTHER FILTH FLARN? 443 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,000 "R." KOO-KOO-KA-CHOO! 444 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,976 I THINK THEY'VE GOT IT! 445 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,976 I'M ALMOST DONE! 446 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:33,000 PAMMY, BABY, YOU ARE THE LAST ONE. 447 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:35,600 YOU WANT ME TO STRIP? [ LAUGHS ] COOL. 448 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,976 NO, I WANT YOU TO PUT IT ON! 449 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:40,000 PUT IT ON! 450 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:42,000 PUT IT ON! 451 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,976 [ LAUGHTER ] [ BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! ] 452 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:49,976 HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? 453 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:50,977 THIS IS SO HUMILIATING. 454 00:17:51,001 --> 00:17:52,976 BILL COSBY, YOU'RE A MONSTER! 455 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,976 YOU LOOK SO DIGNIFIED, BABY! 456 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,976 JUST ONE MORE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING, AND MY MISSION WILL BE 457 00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:58,977 COMPLETE! 458 00:17:59,001 --> 00:18:00,976 Black Dynamite: AHH-SUEY! 459 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:03,160 ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE >> BLACK DYNAMITE, I'M SO GLAD 460 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,976 YOU'RE HERE. >> Black Dynamite: UNCOVER THOSE TITTIES, PAM. 461 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:07,976 PLANETS THAT HEAVENLY ARE MEANT TO BE IN ORBIT. 462 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,976 BILL COSBY, YOUR HATE FOR BLAXPLOITATION IS ONLY 463 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,976 OUTMATCHED BY YOUR ZEST FOR REVERSE STRIP TREACHERY. 464 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,976 BLACK DYNAMITE, ARE YOU CRAZY, BUSTING INTO MY PLACE, 465 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,976 MESSING UP A PERFECTLY GOOD REVERSE STRIP! 466 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,976 Black Dynamite: BILL COSBY, UNHAND THOSE BLAXPLOITATION. 467 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,976 STARS, OR I'M GONNA EXPLOIT MY BLACK FIST IN YOUR FACE, CAN YOU 468 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,960 DIG IT? LOOK BEHIND YOU... IT'S SIDNEY POITIER. 469 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,976 Black Dynamite: YOU DON'T EXPECT ME TO FALL FOR THE OLD. 470 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,976 "SIDNEY POITIER BEHIND THE BACK" TRICK. 471 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:29,977 THAT'S THE OLDEST TRICK IN THE BOOK. 472 00:18:30,001 --> 00:18:34,976 BLACK DYNAMITE'S BEEN AROUND TOO LONG FOR... 473 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:38,976 NOW, IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU NEED TO BE REPROGRAMMED, TOO. 474 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:39,977 WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SCOWLING? 475 00:18:40,001 --> 00:18:41,976 YOU ARE SCARING WHITE PEOPLE! 476 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:43,976 I WANT YOU TO SMILE! 477 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,976 Black Dynamite: I AM SMILING. 478 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,976 "I AM SMILING"? NO! 479 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:49,976 THIS IS A SMILE! 480 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:50,977 DUHHHH! 481 00:18:51,001 --> 00:18:54,976 NOW YOU... WILL SMILE! 482 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:59,976 [ ELECTRICITY ZAPPING ] >> Black Dynamite: YOUR ELECTRIC. 483 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,976 BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION COULD NEVER WORK ON ME 'CAUSE I'M NO 484 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:02,977 ACTOR. 485 00:19:03,001 --> 00:19:04,976 I'M A REAL BAD-ASS SHIT TALKING, ASS-KICKIN' MOTHERFUCKA 486 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:06,976 CAN YOU DIG IT? 487 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:10,976 NO, I CAN'T DIG IT, BUT YOU CAN DIG THESE FILTH FLAWRNS! 488 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,976 WHAT THE FUCK IS A FILTH FLAWRN MOTHERFUCKER?! 489 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:18,976 ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE NO! NOT YOU! 490 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:22,000 YEAH MOTHERFUCKER IT'S ME AND MY PUSSY THAT YOU WOULDN'T EAT. 491 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:23,977 DOHHH! 492 00:19:24,001 --> 00:19:25,976 YOU NO PUSSY SUCKIN' SON OF A BITCH, YOU ASS-FACE FUCKER 493 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:29,976 BITCH-ASS BUMBLE FUCK BASTARD, YOU CUNT FACE 494 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,976 COCK SMOKIN' DOUCHEBAG GODDAMN DICK WEASEL OF A FUCK 495 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,976 FUCK >> Black Dynamite: THAT'S IT. 496 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:35,977 MOMS MABLEY, KEEP TALKIN' THAT SHIT 497 00:19:36,001 --> 00:19:39,000 YOU AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A RIM-JOBBING SHIT SPITTIN' 498 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:43,000 BLACK COCK LIP-HAVIN' MOTHERFUCKIN' COCK SUCKING SUCKIN SON OF A BITCH! 499 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:45,976 [ CRYING ] 500 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:48,976 Black Dynamite: DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO WAIT YOUR ASS IN THE CAR? 501 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:50,976 SHIT. I CAN LEAVE YOUR BLACK ASS TIED UP IF YOU WANT 502 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,360 ME TO. NOT SO FAST, MOMS MABLEY. 503 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:57,000 [ GUN COCKS ] GUESS WHO'S COMING TO DINNER. 504 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,976 BROWN HORNETS! 505 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:07,976 Black Dynamite: MAN, I HOPE YOU ACTORS CAN ACT LIKE Y'ALL. 506 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,400 CAN REALLY FIGHT. JUST KEEP COOL. 507 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:10,977 I WILL HANDLE THIS. 508 00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:12,976 HOO-WHEE! HOOP-HOOP! 509 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:13,977 HOO-WHEE! 510 00:20:14,001 --> 00:20:15,976 Black Dynamite: JIM KELLY, SIT YOUR ASS DOWN. 511 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,000 ALL OF YOU, SIT! SIT! 512 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,000 GET THAT MOTHERFUCKER DAHHHH! 513 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:34,976 Black Dynamite: AHH-SUEY! 514 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:38,976 I JUST WANTED NIGGAS TO DO BETTER, BLACK DYNAMITE! 515 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,976 Black Dynamite: BILL COSBY, YOU CAN'T EXPECT ALL THE BLACK. 516 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:43,976 COMMUNITY TO BE INCREDIBLY INTELLIGENT, INSIGHTFUL, AND 517 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,976 HILARIOUSLY FUNNY COMEDY MEN, JUST LIKE I CAN'T EXPECT THEM 518 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:48,976 ALL TO BE SUPER-BAD, EX-C.I.A., PRIVATE-EYE, ASS-KICKIN' 519 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,976 MACHINES LIKE MYSELF. 520 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,320 BUT WITH BLACK EXPLOITATION MOVIES, AT LEAST MOTHERFUCKERS 521 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:55,976 CAN FANTASIZE ABOUT IT. AFTER ALL, THESE ARE THE ONLY HEROES THEY GOT ON THE BIG 522 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,976 SCREEN. 523 00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:58,977 AND EVEN IF HOLLYWOOD DID MAKE A BLACK SUPER HERO, THEY'D 524 00:20:59,001 --> 00:21:00,976 PROBABLY MAKE HIM A DAMN HELL SPAWN OR SOMETHING. 525 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:02,800 YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT, BLACK DYNAMITE. 526 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,976 I'M SORRY. 527 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,976 Black Dynamite: WELL, YOU CAN STILL MAKE YOUR LITTLE COSBY. 528 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:07,000 SHOW, BILL COSBY. WHO KNOWS? 529 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,976 IT COULD MAKE A DIFFERENT WORLD FOR OUR PEOPLE IN TELEVISION. 530 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,976 BUT IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN WITH THESE CATS. 531 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,000 CAN YOU DIG IT? DUG! 532 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,976 OHH! 533 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:17,976 IT'S "ARRA" MOTHERFUCKER! "ARRA"! 534 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:21,976 OHH! 535 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,976 WELL, YOU HEARD IT HERE, FOLKS. 536 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:25,976 THE "BLACKITY BLACK BLACK BLACK" STARS ARE BACK! 537 00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:29,976 AND ONCE AGAIN, THE BLACK COMMUNITY HAS BIG BLACK HEROES 538 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,976 ON THE BIG WHITE SCREEN, THANKS TO THE ONE AND ONLY REAL HERO IN 539 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,976 THE BLACK COMMUNITY, BLACK DYNAMITE. 540 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,400 WELL, NOW THAT EVERYTHING IS BACK TO NORMAL, LET'S FINISH 541 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:42,976 THIS "BLACKITY BLACK BLACK BLACK" MOVIE ONCE AND FOR ALL! 542 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,976 AND ACTION! 543 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,976 I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT THESE FILTHY FLAWRNS DID NOT WANT TO 544 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:48,977 CLEAN UP THEIR ACT. 545 00:21:49,001 --> 00:21:51,976 WELL, MORE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS FOR ME! 546 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,976 WHATEVER MOTHERFUCKER IS YOU EATIN' PUSSY OR NOT? 547 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,000 OH! SORRY! 548 00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:57,977 DUHHH! 549 00:21:58,001 --> 00:22:00,976 ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE >> [ LAUGHS ] 550 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:04,000 [ GURGLING ]