1 00:00:02,586 --> 00:00:06,011 ♪ He's dynamite ♪ 2 00:00:06,089 --> 00:00:07,932 ♪ So dynamite ♪ 3 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:11,558 ♪ Ooohhh, ooohhh ♪ 4 00:00:11,637 --> 00:00:13,230 ♪ Ooohhh ♪ 5 00:00:13,305 --> 00:00:14,477 ♪ Ahhhh ♪ 6 00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:20,062 ♪ He's dynamite ♪ 7 00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:21,738 ♪ Dy-no, dy-no ♪ 8 00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:25,363 ♪ Ooohhh, ooohhh ♪ 9 00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:27,615 ♪ Oooohhhh ♪ 10 00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:31,995 ♪ Dynamite! Dynamite! ♪ 11 00:00:32,074 --> 00:00:34,168 This week... 12 00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:41,922 Ladies and gentlemen, this is Howard Cosell. 13 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,219 Today we explore the phenomenon 14 00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:46,012 that is Race War I, 15 00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:48,261 billed as the race to end all races, 16 00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:50,342 for the races and by the races. 17 00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:53,304 Is it racist? You better believe it is. 18 00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:54,764 I'm told we can expect to see 19 00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:56,598 every color of people in the rainbow ... 20 00:00:56,682 --> 00:00:59,060 the Blacks, the browns, the whites, 21 00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:00,735 the reds, the purple, and yellows. 22 00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:02,905 - Hey! What about the negroes? - Negro, hush! 23 00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:06,280 Racing from Los Angeles to New York City. 24 00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:08,577 The prize ... a superior race trophy, 25 00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:12,077 as well as bragging rights to being the official race 26 00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:14,783 of the upcoming Olympic games in Munich. 27 00:01:14,866 --> 00:01:17,164 Finally a way to show everyone in town 28 00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:19,497 that the Black race is the baddest motherfuckers around. 29 00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,503 Black Dynamite's been racing against the man 30 00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,550 his whole life, and it ain't never been televised. 31 00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:25,798 - This sounds ridiculous. - I don't know. 32 00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:28,380 "The Black Superior Race" does got a nice ring to it. 33 00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:30,886 I mean, if somebody from the Black race wins, 34 00:01:30,966 --> 00:01:32,684 they will be on the cover of magazines, newspapers, 35 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,306 and even the Wheaties box. 36 00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:35,933 Imagine eating some Black Wheaties! 37 00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:37,606 "Black Wheaties"? Ha Ha! Come on! 38 00:01:37,681 --> 00:01:39,308 I'm with Black Dynamite. That sounds stupid. 39 00:01:39,391 --> 00:01:40,938 Ain't that right, Black Dynamite? Ha ha! 40 00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:42,440 Not necessarily. 41 00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:44,146 Being on the Wheaties box might be just the thing 42 00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:45,856 Black Dynamite needs to put the man away 43 00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,158 once and for all ... and with a trophy to prove it. 44 00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:50,907 Racer Rex, the Caucasian for the occasion. 45 00:01:50,986 --> 00:01:52,579 You are representing 46 00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:54,577 the genetically inferior white man in America 47 00:01:54,656 --> 00:01:57,409 who has stolen practically everything in this country, 48 00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:59,745 including this country. 49 00:01:59,828 --> 00:02:01,705 Do you think you can steal this race, too? 50 00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:03,415 Well, Howard, the white man will do 51 00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:05,091 whatever it takes to win. 52 00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:06,794 I will lie, cheat, and steal my way 53 00:02:06,877 --> 00:02:08,675 all across that goddamn finish line 54 00:02:08,754 --> 00:02:11,177 just like we've done for thousands of years. 55 00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:13,429 And if you don't believe me, just check the history. 56 00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:15,431 Are you worried that you might lose your title 57 00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:17,854 to a darker competitor, such as the Blacks? 58 00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:19,055 Hell, no, Howard. 59 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,858 The Black are too busy hanging out in Roscoe's all day 60 00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:23,810 eating chicken and watching television. 61 00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:26,738 Mmm! Somebody need to teach that racist cracker a lesson! 62 00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:28,281 And everybody loves chicken! 63 00:02:28,357 --> 00:02:30,234 We need a Black man that can drive a car fast 64 00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:31,864 and whup some ass! 65 00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:33,820 Somebody that the Black community can depend on! 66 00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:36,282 Somebody who's super bad and out-of-sight, 67 00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:37,742 Black and dynamite. 68 00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:39,872 I don't know about y'all, but I'm drawing a blank. 69 00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:41,328 Who could we get? 70 00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:43,505 You know anybody Black, Black Dynamite? 71 00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,753 What about a young Bill Cosby? Ooh! Or Sidney Poitier? 72 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,505 That's it! I went to school with Sidney Poitier. 73 00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:49,006 I'll go call him. 74 00:02:49,086 --> 00:02:51,009 Or little Stevie Wonder might do just fine. 75 00:02:51,088 --> 00:02:52,965 No, wait, never mind, I just remembered 76 00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:54,800 the motherfucker's blind. 77 00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:56,806 Ooh, what about Billy Dee Williams with his fine ass? 78 00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:58,637 CREAM CORN: Oh, yes! That'll be perfect. 79 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,643 I got an idea ... how about y'all stop acting 80 00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:02,645 like Black Dynamite ain't sitting here 81 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:05,648 listening to you call out all these old, blind, weak, 82 00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:07,650 Colt 49, malt-liquor-drinking motherfuckers 83 00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:09,652 when you know I'm the only one in the damn race 84 00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:12,154 that can win the race farhis race? 85 00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:14,157 Uhh, never mind, Sidney Poitier. 86 00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:16,238 Black Dynamite it is. 87 00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:18,870 [all cheering] 88 00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:28,251 [engine revs] 89 00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:29,129 [tires screech] 90 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,381 [gun cocks] 91 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,133 Black Dynamite. 92 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,465 C.I.A. operative and third-generation inventor 93 00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,425 George Washington Carver III, A.K.A. "G"? 94 00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:37,885 What are you doing here? 95 00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:39,561 Well, I was on my way to Roscoe's to get some 96 00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:41,604 peanut butter brittle and chicken gizzards, but then 97 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:43,682 I heard on the radio you was racing in The Race War. 98 00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:44,857 WOMAN'S VOICE: Ooh, mm-hmm. 99 00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:47,311 You remember your old partner, don't you? 100 00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:50,318 Eartha K-I-double-T, is that you, baby? You look ... 101 00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,149 Purr-fect, yes, I know, I know. 102 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,825 I have to admit I'm pretty excited 103 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:56,073 to get you back inside me. 104 00:03:56,153 --> 00:03:58,281 I see this KITT still purrs like a pussycat. 105 00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:02,459 Oh, this pussy roars now, Black Dynamite. 106 00:04:02,534 --> 00:04:06,459 CARVER: Go ahead, get in. Pop that transmission. 107 00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:08,916 [engine revs, tires squeal] 108 00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:17,970 [engine roars] 109 00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:20,552 Mm-hmm, Black Dynamite. 110 00:04:20,635 --> 00:04:22,888 That was just the tip, baby. Just the tip. 111 00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:24,894 Uh-huh. You like that, don't you? 112 00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:27,021 [laughs] She got that new and improved good power 113 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:30,024 She is now fully equipped with everything you need. 114 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,105 Machine guns... 115 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:36,284 surface-to-air missiles... 116 00:04:38,653 --> 00:04:41,623 and she squirts. 117 00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:42,574 [tires screech] 118 00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:44,000 [metal crashes] 119 00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:47,204 I'm telling you, Black Dynamite, the bitch is bad. 120 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,665 And not "bad" meaning bad, but "bad" meaning "good." 121 00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:51,671 George Washington Carver III, 122 00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:53,468 you are one scientific motherfucker. 123 00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:54,590 [control panel beeps] 124 00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:56,763 Agent Carver. It's Agent Dennis Flynn. 125 00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:58,590 I can see you, motherfucker. Go ahead. 126 00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:00,550 I have an update on code: missing menthol 127 00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:01,601 Y'all found my shit? 128 00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:03,474 Of course not, but our intel suggests 129 00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:05,976 it is most likely an inside or outside job. 130 00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:08,605 But no definitive word either way yet. 131 00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:11,778 What kind of intel is that? Get the fuck out my car! 132 00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:13,605 Code ... Missing Menthol "X"? 133 00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:15,065 Sounds like some top-secret heavy, G. 134 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:17,446 Well, I developed a series of secret menthol derivatives, 135 00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:19,824 and the 10th one is called Menthol 136 00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:21,530 Menthol "X" is so powerful, 137 00:05:21,613 --> 00:05:23,160 when inhaled, it can be used to control minds. 138 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,992 And it's "exskremely" addictive. 139 00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:26,622 Makes me want to do what you say 140 00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:28,169 just thinking about it ... go on. 141 00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:30,168 Well, somebody stole all of it from my lab, 142 00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:31,669 and I hope we find out who 143 00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:33,625 before it falls in the wrong hands. 144 00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:35,460 Hmm. The Man's hands. 145 00:05:35,544 --> 00:05:38,093 What? Why is everything "The Man" with you, huh? 146 00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,923 Uh, Black Dynamite, we should go, baby. 147 00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,633 We have a race to win. 148 00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:44,185 Yeah, I should get out of here and let you two be alone. 149 00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:45,854 Good luck, Black Dynamite. 150 00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:47,806 Or, as my great grandaddy said, "Bust a nut." 151 00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:50,108 Solid. And I'll keep my eyes open for that Menthol 152 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,311 Now, before I drop you off, one question, G ... 153 00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:54,317 what's this button do? - Huh. 154 00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:55,773 You know, I'm not really ... 155 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:57,608 Aaaaah! 156 00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:06,741 I think you're in the wrong line. 157 00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:08,577 The colored line is over yonder. 158 00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:10,128 No, I think you're in the wrong line. 159 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,705 This is the "cracker getting your ass whooped 160 00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:13,290 for fuckin' with Black Dynamite" line. 161 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:17,003 You really think you the best your race has to offer, boy? 162 00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:18,553 Now, look here, honky doodle dandy. 163 00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:20,050 Black Dynamite used to be a children, 164 00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:21,632 but he ain't never been a boy, can you dig it? 165 00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,058 Now, I suggest you shut the fuck up 166 00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:24,601 when grown folks is registering! 167 00:06:24,676 --> 00:06:26,144 Why don't you just go back to your ghetto 168 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,017 with the rest of your race and keep fighting 169 00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:29,598 and complaining about the white man 170 00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:31,854 while we keep kicking your ass? 171 00:06:33,184 --> 00:06:34,686 Go ahead. Hit me, Black Dynamite. 172 00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:36,897 I ain't scared of you, boy! 173 00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:38,607 Hey, hey, guys, save your overt racism for The Race War. 174 00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:40,692 You're gonna get disqualified! Jeez, I spilled my coffee. 175 00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:42,573 REX: I'm begging you, man. Go ahead. 176 00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:44,450 Hit me, Black Dynamite. Hit me. 177 00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:47,373 Heh, heh, this shit's gonna be easier than slavery! 178 00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:50,703 And twice as fun! [laughs] 179 00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:54,164 This is Howard Cosell, and I am here 180 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,420 with the heavyweight champion of the world, 181 00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:59,628 Mr. Muhammad Ali, A.K.A. Cassius Clay. 182 00:06:59,711 --> 00:07:02,715 Mm, Howard Cosell, you keep calling me Clay, 183 00:07:02,797 --> 00:07:04,549 and I'm gonna make it look like your toupee 184 00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:06,351 took a shit between your shoulders. 185 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,349 Very funny, champ, but how do you feel 186 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,351 about the white man being favored to win, 187 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:12,353 as he most often does? 188 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,355 Howard, as the honorable Elijah Muhammad say, 189 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,357 "The white man's days are over!" 190 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,905 Somebody needs to go ahead and retire his whole race, 191 00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:21,233 or I'm gonna have to do it myself once and for all. 192 00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:24,160 I am the greatest of all time! 193 00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:27,284 Champ, your often-repeated claim of total superiority 194 00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:28,661 has been noted. 195 00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:30,162 There you have it, folks. 196 00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:33,165 A lot of racial pride and tension is riding on this one. 197 00:07:33,244 --> 00:07:35,497 Let's go to the starting line. 198 00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:38,675 First we have the red Chinese, Dr. Wu's Tang Clan. 199 00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:40,548 I don't know much about them, 200 00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:43,756 but something tells me the Wu's Tang Clan 201 00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:45,215 ain't nothing to fuck with. 202 00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,517 Next up we have the Japanese. 203 00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:50,892 Take note ... they're exactly like the Chinese, 204 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:54,191 except the women have sideways vaginae. 205 00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:56,108 And next we have the Native Americans, 206 00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:58,937 A.K.A. "the little Injuns that could." 207 00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:02,615 By the way, "hai-yai-yai-yai, hai-yai-yai-yai, " 208 00:08:02,691 --> 00:08:04,534 translates into, "I'm an alcoholic. 209 00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,782 Now, please, take all my land." 210 00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:08,329 And now the Eskimos. 211 00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:10,658 I'm told they have 100 words for snow, 212 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:13,414 but I only need two words to describe them ... 213 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,086 "frozen wetbacks. " 214 00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:17,414 And finally the real greatest of all time, 215 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:20,967 white America's favorite racer, Racer Rex! 216 00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:22,589 Howard, you know the only difference 217 00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,091 between Racer Rex and a snake? 218 00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:25,592 One's a slimy, venomous, filthy creature, 219 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:27,094 and the other one's a snake. 220 00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:29,267 Last and certainly not least, 221 00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:30,810 the champ's personal pick, 222 00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:33,729 The Black race's Black racer, Black Dynamite. 223 00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:35,523 I haven't had that much Black in my mouth 224 00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:37,396 since accidentally tripping and falling 225 00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:39,569 face-first onto Rosey Grier's crotch. 226 00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:41,567 Driving the lovely Miss Eartha KITT, 227 00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:44,570 sponsored by Roscoe's Popcorn Shrimp and Twinkies. 228 00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:48,699 Roscoe's ... A negro's gotta eat. 229 00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:53,116 [gong crashes] 230 00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,792 BLACK DYNAMITE: Fiendish Dr. Wu. 231 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:57,337 I'd about forgotten you even had a racer in this race war. 232 00:08:57,412 --> 00:08:59,585 Well, I do, Black Dynamite. 233 00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:01,507 And I would tell you why. 234 00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:03,711 But good storytelling dictates 235 00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:06,091 that I withhold the reveal 'til later 236 00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:09,050 so I could build dramatic tension! 237 00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:14,013 I hope you win! [cackles maniacally] 238 00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:16,848 [cheers and applause] 239 00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:18,854 BULLHORN: Man, this one's for the ghetto, 240 00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:20,776 so put your pedal to the metal. 241 00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:22,775 Ha! Y'all can vote for Black Dynamite if you want, 242 00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:24,777 but since we can't get Sidney P. and Billy Dee, 243 00:09:24,856 --> 00:09:26,824 I'm putting my money on the white boy. 244 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,904 And today's race war is bought to you by McDeviFs, 245 00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:32,614 Murder King, and the Notorious B.l.G. Tobacco, 246 00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:35,416 the official sponsors of Race War I. 247 00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:39,372 Bringing people together by tearing each other apart. 248 00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:45,086 [engines revving] 249 00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:47,170 [engine roars, tires squeal] 250 00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,051 Yee-haw! 251 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:51,007 COSELL: And Racer Rex jumps the gun! 252 00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:54,265 And that's how you start a race war! 253 00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:56,722 ALI: Just like the white man, 254 00:09:56,805 --> 00:10:00,309 cheating and looking for a beating. 255 00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:03,653 KITT: I love it! 256 00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:05,901 Just like old times, huh, baby? 257 00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:07,903 [laughs] It's exactly like old times, except it was 258 00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:09,905 a whole different time and you was a whole different car 259 00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:11,657 and we was never in a race war. 260 00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:13,579 But besides that, it feels exactly the same. 261 00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:15,453 [engine revs] 262 00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:18,160 [funk music plays] 263 00:10:22,664 --> 00:10:25,338 ALI: I'll tell you what ... them Asians never could drive. 264 00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:27,089 COSELL: That's a very racist thing to say 265 00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:28,920 on a very racist day. 266 00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:31,927 Is that all the dynamite you got, boy? 267 00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:33,929 ALI: Oh, he did not' just call him "boy. " 268 00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:35,635 I heard that from up here. 269 00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:38,642 COSELL: They do say you negroes have an extra bone in your leg 270 00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:40,723 and an extra drum in your ear. 271 00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,434 KITT: Ooh, I've waited so long for this. 272 00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,064 That's what I'm talking about! 273 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:47,774 Give it to me, baby! Give me everything you've got! 274 00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:49,733 ALI: I'll give you an extra bone, Howard. 275 00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,693 COSELL: This is no place for prison threats. 276 00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:52,902 Let's enjoy the race. 277 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,489 [tires screech] 278 00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:58,041 [music continues] 279 00:10:58,116 --> 00:11:00,744 [engine revs, tires screech] 280 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,417 Black Dynamite, what are you doing? 281 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,423 Black Dynamite ain't never lost a game of chicken 282 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,425 in his whole life, and he damn sure ain't gonna lose now, 283 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,256 especially to a white-meat turkey! 284 00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:14,966 You like playing chicken, boy? 285 00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:18,929 I do, too, but, hell, everybody loves chicken! 286 00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:22,148 COSELL: In a game of chicken, 287 00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:24,100 it's certain Black Dynamite will win. 288 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:28,405 [engines revving] 289 00:11:28,479 --> 00:11:31,449 KITT: Oh, Black Dynamite! Ohh! I can't take it baby! 290 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:34,528 It's too much! 291 00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:37,121 [engine clanks, whines] 292 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,915 Damn it, KITT! 293 00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:41,914 [tires screech] 294 00:11:41,993 --> 00:11:43,995 REX: Sometimes the white man wins, 295 00:11:44,078 --> 00:11:47,173 and sometimes the white man w-i-i-i-ins! 296 00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:49,626 "Ariva-dirty," Black Dynamito! 297 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:53,179 ♪ Dynamite! Dynamite! ♪ 298 00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,215 [shouts] 299 00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:58,510 Damn it, KITT, what the hell was that about? 300 00:11:58,593 --> 00:11:59,594 KITT? 301 00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,352 Hmm, Eartha K-I-double-T, 302 00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:05,183 you used to purr like a pussycat, 303 00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:08,440 but now you're just a cold, dead pussy. 304 00:12:08,519 --> 00:12:11,147 And there's only one way to jump-start a cold, dead pussy. 305 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:12,983 And that's with a slow jam 306 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,534 and 1,000 watts of Black Dynamite. 307 00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:15,952 Can you dig it? 308 00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:18,576 [slow-tempo funk music plays] 309 00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:29,916 KITT: Mmm. 310 00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:34,379 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 311 00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:37,716 Oh, I never dreamed it could be like this. Ooh. 312 00:12:37,799 --> 00:12:38,925 [drill whirs] 313 00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:42,182 [Purrs, yelps] 314 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:43,764 Ooh, yeah! 315 00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:46,065 BLACK DYNAMITE: Whose car is this? Whose car is this? 316 00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:47,813 KITT: It's your car, daddy! It's your car! 317 00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:50,065 It's yours, it's yours, it's yours, it's yours! 318 00:12:50,144 --> 00:12:53,148 It's your car, daddy! [screams] 319 00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:59,367 I'm sorry. I didn't mean to let you down. 320 00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,072 That's why you left the C.I.A. 321 00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:02,873 It wasn't the honkies, it was me, 322 00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:04,292 wasn't it, Black Dynamite? 323 00:13:04,367 --> 00:13:06,085 Of course it was the honkies, Eartha KITT, 324 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,083 Without you, I couldn't have made it through the C.I.A.. 325 00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:09,288 I need you, baby. 326 00:13:09,372 --> 00:13:13,218 Ohh. Oh, Black Dynamite, I love you! 327 00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:15,216 I know you do. Now, let's get back out there 328 00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,218 and win this race war for the Black man ... 329 00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,265 and the bitches who love him. 330 00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:21,718 [engine turns over, revs] 331 00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:27,269 COSELL: Black is back as Dynamite breaks a way 332 00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:28,270 from the Puerto Ricans. 333 00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:30,727 Puerto Ricans, Mexicans ... 334 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,562 if you're brown-skinned and you can swim, 335 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,318 well, you're a Mexican! 336 00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:36,024 Black Dynamite's back in the race, 337 00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:38,030 and he done returned to grace with steps retraced. 338 00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:40,032 And now he's taking 3rd place, 339 00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:43,035 and soon he'll be telling that no-good peckerwood Racer Rex, 340 00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:45,037 "in your face," with all upper case! 341 00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:48,461 And that shit right there will be his coup de grace! 342 00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:51,130 Disgrace. First base. Space, place, face ... 343 00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:52,832 Sorry to interrupt you, Bullhorn, 344 00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:54,838 but as many words that rhyme with "race," 345 00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:57,295 we'll be here all damn day. 346 00:13:57,378 --> 00:14:00,382 [engine revs] 347 00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:09,141 [laughing] 348 00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:11,146 Now, if he can catch that light-speed 349 00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:13,398 devil of the racetrack, Racer Rex. 350 00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:16,357 KITT: [laughs] Go, baby! Go! 351 00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:18,487 [laughs] 352 00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,949 COSELL: I heard the Indians almost didn't enter the race. 353 00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:25,452 Someone offered them a blanket and a handful of beads. 354 00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:27,033 [engine revs, tires squeal] 355 00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:29,585 ALI: Black Dynamite just pulled the old rope-a-dope on them. 356 00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:32,038 That paleface better watch his red neck, Howard. 357 00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:34,215 COSELL: When they called you "The Modern Day Shakespeare," 358 00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:35,792 they're calling you that because you literally 359 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,343 shake a spear. 360 00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:39,466 ALI: I'm warning you, Howard. Don't you say "chuck." 361 00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:43,220 All right, boys, try a little smallpox on for size. 362 00:14:44,675 --> 00:14:46,177 Aaaah! 363 00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:47,933 Aah! 364 00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:49,389 [tires squeal] 365 00:14:49,472 --> 00:14:51,349 COSELL: And down goes lnjun Joe! 366 00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:53,400 ALI: I have to admit, that was pretty ingenious. 367 00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:56,150 Authentic white man evil at its finest right there. 368 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,152 They took it back to the 1800s with that one! 369 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:00,154 Black Dynamite and Eartha KITT have just 370 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,985 crossed the New York state line 371 00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:03,490 and are on a rampage. 372 00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:05,492 Your boy Racer Rex is in first, 373 00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:07,665 followed by the Japanese Yakuza Twosome. 374 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,663 My man Black Dynamite is in 3rd, 375 00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,244 and in 4th place, 376 00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:13,170 the wild card from parts unknown, 377 00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:15,214 Dr. Wu's Tang Clan. 378 00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:16,882 It's any race's race, 379 00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:18,631 except of course any of the inferior races 380 00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:22,304 who have already proven themselves total losers. 381 00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:24,970 [tires screech] 382 00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:26,972 These Yakuza motherfuckers got throwing stars! 383 00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:28,849 And they throwing them! You okay? 384 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,977 I think so, as long as I'm with you, Black Dynamite! 385 00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:35,276 [tires squeal] 386 00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:37,274 Hyah! 387 00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:48,281 ALL: Aah! 388 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:57,124 [tires screech] 389 00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,173 [steering wheel clicks] 390 00:15:58,249 --> 00:16:01,549 ALL: Aah! 391 00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:04,551 [tires squeal ] 392 00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,507 What the fuck are you doing?! 393 00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:09,094 I'm coming down to do it myself! 394 00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:13,557 You're ass is gl-a-a-ass! 395 00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:15,357 KITT, what's the lowdown on these 396 00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:17,151 Chinese old, dirty bastards anyway? 397 00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:19,479 Um, I think they are known as Dr. Wu's Tang Clan, 398 00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:22,441 notorious henchmen for Fiendish Dr. Wu. 399 00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:23,991 Why the hell would he be helping me? 400 00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:25,784 Why are you asking me? I mean, how should I know? 401 00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:27,612 I mean, maybe they just like you or something. 402 00:16:27,695 --> 00:16:29,413 KITT, I know when you're hiding something from me. 403 00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,082 I hear it in your speaker. Now, lay it on me. 404 00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:32,704 Oh, Black Dynamite, you're right, 405 00:16:32,783 --> 00:16:34,456 I could never lie to you, baby. 406 00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:36,412 It's not in my program. 407 00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,590 I wanted to be with you again, 408 00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:40,792 and they offered me money ... - Wait, who offered you money, 409 00:16:40,875 --> 00:16:42,468 and what did they offer you money for? 410 00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:44,295 Fiendish Dr. Wu ... 411 00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:46,756 he wanted a car to transport Menthol " 412 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,762 That's the brain-washing, addictive chemical 413 00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:50,764 that G. Carver told me about. 414 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,470 Dr. Wu just sold it to the B.I.G. Tobacco company 415 00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:54,146 so they can make a super cigarette that will 416 00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:56,020 make everyone who smokes them a mindless addict. 417 00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:58,021 But Dr. Wu is really only using them as pawns 418 00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,649 in his plan for world domination! 419 00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:02,651 All right. Just so that everybody's clear, 420 00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:04,653 Fiendish Dr. Wu is using this race war 421 00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:06,700 to smuggle Menthol "X" across the country 422 00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:08,073 to B.l.G. Tobacco? - Yes. 423 00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:09,995 - Well, where is it? - Well, uh... 424 00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:12,199 Tell me where it is KITT, and who has it hid! 425 00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:15,330 You have it, Black Dynamite, It's in my trunk. 426 00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:17,002 You're sitting on it! 427 00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:19,080 [tires screech] 428 00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:22,171 Bitch, what did you just say'? 429 00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:23,797 I'm sorry, Black Dynamite! 430 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,799 KITT, how could you do this to me? 431 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:28,552 I did it for us ... our last chance to be together. 432 00:17:28,631 --> 00:17:30,554 We gave our best years to the spy life. 433 00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:32,761 Now why shouldn't we live the high life? 434 00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:34,470 Al! we have to do is win, and we're home free! 435 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,147 There's no way I'd win this race 436 00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,974 if it means selling out my own community, 437 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,980 and I could never be a pawn for Dr. Wu, The Man, 438 00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:42,232 or any other diabolical, domineering motherfucker. 439 00:17:42,311 --> 00:17:43,153 Can you dig it? 440 00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:44,776 Oh, Dynamite, don't be stupid. 441 00:17:44,855 --> 00:17:46,482 The community doesn't care about you. 442 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:48,409 The only thing I'm fighting for, is us. 443 00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:50,407 Let's win the money, deliver the menthol, 444 00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:52,113 and run as far as we can. 445 00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:54,369 We'll buy an island and pave a road all around it, 446 00:17:54,448 --> 00:17:56,496 then drive until I'm rusty and you're gray. 447 00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:57,919 Wouldn't that be beautiful? 448 00:17:57,994 --> 00:17:59,120 Hell, no! 449 00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:00,796 Black Dynamite would never fuck a car. 450 00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:03,215 And even if I could, it would be my Cadillac! 451 00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:05,214 Oh... is that right? 452 00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:06,385 Stupid me. [chuckles] 453 00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:07,712 I should've known. 454 00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:10,548 My girlfriend Christine says you all do this! 455 00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:12,349 [locks click] 456 00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,393 [engine revs, tires squeal] 457 00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:17,312 Eartha KITT, slow down and turn off the damn heat! 458 00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:19,140 You think this is hot? 459 00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:21,646 Well, it's not half as hot as it's about to get! 460 00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:24,445 You are going to win this race, 461 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,318 and we are going to live 462 00:18:26,397 --> 00:18:27,774 happily... ever... 463 00:18:27,857 --> 00:18:28,858 after!! 464 00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:34,534 Pull over and get the fuck out of the car! 465 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:37,208 KITT, I knew underneath all this metal and iron, 466 00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:38,956 you was just one crazy bitch! 467 00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:43,962 Yeah? Well, I'm gonna show you one c-r-r-razy bitch! 468 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,919 Can your Cadillac bitch do this? 469 00:18:47,001 --> 00:18:49,845 BLACK DYNAMITE: Eartha KITT, no! 470 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:53,720 ALL: ♪ All we are saying ♪ 471 00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:56,268 ♪ is race wars are wrong ♪ 472 00:18:56,344 --> 00:18:58,267 John Lennon, it ain't your time yet! Look out! 473 00:18:58,346 --> 00:18:59,347 [engine roars] 474 00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:03,105 [crash] 475 00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:05,812 [tires squeal] 476 00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:08,364 [metal crunches] 477 00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:14,199 Aah! 478 00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:16,701 God damn Asian drivers! 479 00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:24,456 ALI: As usual, everything come down to Black and white. 480 00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:25,460 [cheers and applause] 481 00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:26,836 COSELL: Isn't it amazing? 482 00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:28,714 Black Dynamite's car is colored Black. 483 00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:30,170 [laughs maniacally] 484 00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:32,755 It's colored Black. 485 00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:34,465 ALI: Say it one more time. 486 00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:36,050 Go ahead, Howard. One more time. 487 00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:37,510 COSELL: Black. 488 00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:39,391 [engines revving] 489 00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:40,972 ALI: Things are getting tense out there. 490 00:19:41,055 --> 00:19:43,353 - Huh'? - KYTT: It's too late! 491 00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:45,150 You're going to win, Black Dynamite! 492 00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:47,149 Eartha KITT, as much as Black Dynamite wants to be 493 00:19:47,228 --> 00:19:48,775 on the cover of a Wheaties box, 494 00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:50,481 Black Dynamite would rather lose this race 495 00:19:50,564 --> 00:19:51,611 than lose his race. 496 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,193 Bye, bitch! 497 00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:58,657 Nooooo! 498 00:19:58,739 --> 00:19:59,661 Aaaah! 499 00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:01,333 I don't get these coloreds, but they sure do love 500 00:20:01,409 --> 00:20:02,956 the taste of menthol. 501 00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:06,335 And as soon as I get my hands on it ... aaaaaaaaaaah! 502 00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:08,382 KITT: Aaaaaaaaah! 503 00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:11,882 Black Dynamite, you ain't shit. 504 00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:13,383 Ooh! Suey! 505 00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:15,385 Suey! Suey! Suey! Suey! Suey! 506 00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:16,386 Wh... uh-oh. 507 00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:17,808 Suey! 508 00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:20,306 [cheers and applause] ALI: Black Dynamite wins! 509 00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:22,309 The Black race is the greatest race 510 00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:24,140 of all time! 511 00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,146 Put that in your toupee and smoke it, Howard Cosell! 512 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,148 That doesn't even make any sense, 513 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,025 but I acknowledge your joy 514 00:20:30,104 --> 00:20:32,106 as well as your tendency to gloat. 515 00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:33,816 A Black man has won The Race War. 516 00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:36,823 Before we go, I've just received word from Don King 517 00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:40,406 that there will be a Race War ll and many more to come. 518 00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:42,162 I'm Muhammad Ali. 519 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:43,868 And I'm Howard Cosell. 520 00:20:43,951 --> 00:20:45,828 Good night and God ... ow! 521 00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:48,380 The pain is excruciating. 522 00:20:56,672 --> 00:20:58,595 KITT: You and me, baby. You and me. 523 00:20:58,674 --> 00:21:00,597 [laughs evilly] 524 00:21:00,676 --> 00:21:03,225 Forever! 525 00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:04,305 Hunh! 526 00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:07,392 Su... suey? 527 00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:09,318 Huh? 528 00:21:09,393 --> 00:21:11,020 CREAM CORN: We did it, Black Dynamite, we did it! 529 00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:12,320 We won! 530 00:21:12,396 --> 00:21:14,023 You whupped every races' asses! 531 00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:15,779 You was the Blackest and the fastest! 532 00:21:15,858 --> 00:21:17,735 You put Racer Rex in his place 533 00:21:17,818 --> 00:21:19,695 and made us the superior Black race! 534 00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:21,907 Told you it got a nice ring to it. 535 00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:23,741 And look what I got, Black Dynamite! 536 00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:26,452 Unh! Ha! I'm gonna eat me 537 00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:28,412 some Billy Dee Williams Wheaties tonight! 538 00:21:28,496 --> 00:21:29,748 Unh! 539 00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:33,676 ♪ Dynamite! Dynamite! ♪ 540 00:21:33,751 --> 00:21:36,379 ♪ Dynamite! Dynamite! ♪