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♪ He's Dynamite ♪
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♪ So dynamite ♪
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♪ Ooohhh, ooohhh ♪
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♪ Ooohhh ♪
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♪ Ahhhh ♪
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♪ He's Dynamite ♪
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♪ Dy-no, dy-no ♪
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♪ Ooohhh, ooohhh ♪
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♪ Oooohhhh ♪
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♪ Dynamite! Dynamite! ♪
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This week...
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Bitch, get your hands off my sack.
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I got to deliver to Santa,
and I'll be right back.
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Special delivery Bullhorn is the name,
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and laying pipe across the
whole North Pole is my game.
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Ain't no letters worse than the
ones that come from orpheens.
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Their stories break your heart
and make you want to shoot that
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morphine.
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"All I want for Christmas is
some parents with no arms
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and no legs so they can never
shoot smack and run away.
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Little Orphan Penny."
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But this year, not only
have these orpheens lost
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their holiday excite,
they also lost their
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like for their sole legal
guardian, Black Dynamite!
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♪ Check them hos,
but keep them jolly ♪
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♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪
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♪ It's Christmas,
so don't choke nobody ♪
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♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪
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♪ No, we don't do gay apparel ♪
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♪ No, no, no, no, no, no ♪
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♪ Hell, no, no ♪
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♪ Uh, can't think of shit
that rhymes with apparel ♪
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♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪
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All right, who wants to help
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Black Dynamite spruce
up this Douglas fir?
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I'm starting to get the feeling
that me and that cricket are the
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only ones with
any Christmas spirit.
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What gives?
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It ain't Christmas,
Black Dynamite.
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It's you.
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Me?
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I've been giving these
children the Christmas of
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their miserable, little lives.
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Do you mean like yesterday,
when you took them to see Santa?
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Ho, ho, ho.
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What do you want for Christmas?
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♪ Dynamite! Dynamite ♪
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Little motherless Penny ain't
no ho-ho-ho, Santa Claus!
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She's a goddamn orphan!
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Now say it!
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Least I apologized.
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I think you might
be missing the point.
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The point is I spent the
rest of the day doing what
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they wanted to do.
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Snowball fi-i-i-ght!
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Suey! Suey! Suey!
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♪ Dynamite! Dynamite ♪
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Black Dyna... mite,
you... ain't shit.
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I gave him some ice for his
little ruptured spleen and
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broken pelvis.
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That shit was in the
spirit of seasonal fun,
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which brings to mind the amazing
job of decorating we did!
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Now, little orphan Arnold,
plug it in!
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See right here...
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This is what Christmas
is all about!
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This is not what
Christmas is all abo-o-ut!
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Hmm, you're saying
all the time, care,
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and effort I put into Christmas
was really just a selfish ego
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trip in which I tried
to project some fantasy
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of a happy childhood
I never had?
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Mm-hmm.
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Damn.
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Self-awareness is a cold mother.
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I know this ain't gonna
be fair on y'all,
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but here goes.
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Scram, I say! Scram!
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Split the scene, you turkeys!
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Get out of my Christmas!
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Girl, don't worry.
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He gonna see us in
a few minutes.
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I'll see y'all in a few minutes.
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Told you.
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Black Dynamite, I'm gonna give
it to you straight with no
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shit in a crock.
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You might cop hos by the flock,
but sometimes you ain't the most
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likeable motherfucker
on the block.
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Hey, man, you
can't help it if you just unlikeable, B.D.
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You got to blame that
on Mama and your Daddy.
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If I can't even get them
to like me on Christmas,
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then what's the point of
feeding and sheltering and
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putting clothes on these little
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motherfuckers in the
first place?
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Speaking of little motherfuckers,
little orphan Arnold,
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if you could have anything
in the world for Christmas,
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what would it be?
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Little orphan Arnold, I don't
know what the fuck this is.
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It's O.J. Simpson.
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Haven't you heard?
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He's going to the
moon on Christmas.
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What you talking about,
little orphan Arnold?
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We love him more than
anything in the world.
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And if you was anything like
O.J., we would love you, too.
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Man, O.J. will be the biggest,
blackest monolith in outer space
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since Stanley Kubrick
made "2001" in 1968.
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He's that great.
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Bullhorn, now, don't tell me
you all on O.J.'s rocket, too.
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Black Dynamite, I ain't
bone-jacking The Juice or
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fag hagging at all,
but this feeling in my balls
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tells me you got a heavy
history with old Orenthal.
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Well, Bullhorn, now that you
dragged the shit out of me
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that I didn't want dragged out,
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I might as well take
it out all the way.
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You see, me and O.J. Simpson
grew up together in our
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children hood back when
I was a children.
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The truth is I had likability
issues even back then.
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10-year-old Black Dynamite,
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please spell "White"
and use it in a sentence.
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"White"...
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H-o-n-k-y...
"White."
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"The man is a honky devil"...
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"White."
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No, I'm sorry.
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That is incorrect,
Black Dynamite.
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True, but incorrect.
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Orenthal James.
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"White"... W-H-I-T-E...
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"White."
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"I would love to be
an honorary white"...
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A "White ."
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When it came to O.J.,
on the other hand,
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everybody liked him...
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White people,
caucasians, honkeys,
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crackers, snowflakes...
You name it.
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Truth is if it wasn't for me,
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he could have never
pranced his way
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to victory time and time again.
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Ohh!
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Oh, there it is! Touchdown!
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Where the white women at?!
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But even though he
wouldn't even exist if
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it wasn't for the man
behind the man...
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A.K.A. me...
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Black Dynamite...
All anybody ever cared about was
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O.J. Simpson...
A.K.A. him...
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Number 32, "The Juice."
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Wow!
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You know O.J.?!
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Correction...
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O.J. Simpson knows
Black Dynamite.
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Can you get O.J. Simpson to
bring us back some moon rocks
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for Christmas?
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Moon rocks?
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Now, what kind of dumb-ass...
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Please, please, please,
please, please, please!
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All right, all right.
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Since you little orphans are
getting all wet in the underoos
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00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:29,302
over O.J. Simpson
going to the moon,
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I will get O.J. to bring you orphans
back a moon rock for Christmas.
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Now, who is the most likeable
motherfucker that ever lived?!
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O.J.! O.J.! O.J!
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♪ Dynamite! Dynamite ♪
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Now, O.J., there's no need to worry,
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but if you secure your
helmet incorrectly,
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you may experience
a major malfunction.
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Damn!
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O.J. Orenthal
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motherfuckin' Simpson.
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Black Dynamite!
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What's happening, man?!
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I always said you'd go to
the moon for the white man,
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00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:04,956
but I never thought you'd go
to the moon for the white man.
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Well, B.D., I've already
broken several NFL records,
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00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:08,754
had a pretty decent
part in "Roots,"
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00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:11,073
and my name is damn near
synonymous with a very lucrative
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and popular rent-a-car industry.
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I've pretty much
conquered the Earth.
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So I guess the moon was just
the next logical step for me.
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But I'm surprised to
see you here, bro.
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Me too.
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But don't get the wrong idea.
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I ain't here to congratulate
you or no shit like that.
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I'm here because these
motherless and fatherless
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orphans want a damn moon
rock for Christmas.
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Dumb shit I know, but
since you was going that way,
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I think you might be
able to help me out.
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Hey, I got an idea.
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Why don't you come with me,
Black Dynamite?
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What you talking about,
O.J. Simpson?
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You and me could be the first
black men on the moon...
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Together!
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00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:45,496
Hmm. Now, Black Dynamite don't
normally go to the moon
192
00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:47,376
because of O.J. Simpson
asking him to,
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but since this seems like a
coincidence or opportunity to
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accomplish the unrealistic goal of
getting moon rocks for Christmas,
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00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:54,499
and I'm trying
to be more likeable,
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Black Dynamite says okay, O.J.
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00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,933
In a surprising last-minute
move, M.A.S.A. has announced
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00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:03,709
that the very likeable and
universally appealing
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00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:06,896
O.J. Simpson will be joined by
the much more controversial and
200
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:10,321
far less likeable black
revolutionary vigilante pimp
201
00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:12,148
antihero Black Dynamite.
202
00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:14,529
And, yes, folks,
that is his government.
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00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:17,782
If you time the staging
of our rocket improperly,
204
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:21,206
you may experience
a major malfunction.
205
00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:23,329
Aah! Uh!
206
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:48,187
Suey! Suey!
207
00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:53,197
If you miss your re-entry
trajectory,
208
00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:58,528
your capsule may experience
a major malfunction!
209
00:08:58,621 --> 00:09:00,487
[ Gasps I
210
00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:09,079
This is gonna be one little,
Biddy, small step
211
00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:10,380
for Black Dynamite,
212
00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:13,334
and one giant leap for
the rest of you turkeys.
213
00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:26,314
And it looks like mission
control is ready to begin
214
00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:28,189
counting down.
215
00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:31,519
And we are a go for launch.
216
00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:33,103
T-minus 10...
217
00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:36,031
9..8..7...
218
00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:39,013
I don't know if you realize
this, Black Dynamite,
219
00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:41,278
but being O.J. Simpson
is a lot of pressure, man.
220
00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:43,033
White folks expect so
much from you.
221
00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:44,580
You keep trying to outdo
yourself,
222
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:46,249
and you keep
smiling 'cause, well,
223
00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:47,872
that's what a hero
is supposed to do.
224
00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:49,899
But to be honest, man,
I'm tired of being a puppet
225
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:51,254
for these white folks.
226
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:54,584
The last few weeks working with
you made me realize something.
227
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:56,668
I got to be true to myself, man.
228
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,800
Thank you, Black Dynamite.
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00:09:58,890 --> 00:10:02,053
You know, O.J.,
I resented you for a long time,
230
00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:04,180
but now I'm seeing
you different.
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00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:08,059
For the first time I'm actually
starting to like you, O.J.
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00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:09,639
O.J.?
233
00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:11,645
What the...
234
00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:14,215
Now who's going to the
moon for the white man?
235
00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:15,729
Good luck finding
those rocks, sucker!
236
00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:17,064
Ignition!
237
00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:19,274
O.J. Simpson,
you jive-ass motherfucker!
238
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:21,993
♪ Dynamite! Dynamite ♪
239
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:25,414
Now Black
Dynamite is literally out of sight!
240
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,038
O.J. Simpson,
241
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,410
if you think Black Dynamite
can't put his foot in your ass
242
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,546
from the moon, you better
not think it again!
243
00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:41,676
Now, what kind of spacely
sprocket bull snot is this here?
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00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:43,632
Calm down,
Black Astronaut Dynamite.
245
00:10:43,726 --> 00:10:45,808
This is a simple science
mission from M.A.S.A.
246
00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:49,513
Everything will be just fine,
as long as there isn't a major malfunction.
247
00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:51,643
What the hell is this?
248
00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:53,099
Hey, man, your red light is on!
249
00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:55,231
I said your red light is on,
man/!
250
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:57,437
Don't worry,
Black Astronaut Dynamite.
251
00:10:57,532 --> 00:11:00,650
M.A.S.A.'s designed a special
program to translate technical
252
00:11:00,743 --> 00:11:03,235
jargon to... you people...
253
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:05,161
of... your kind.
254
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:07,643
Your rocket wiring is getting
hotter than a motherfucker and your
255
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,658
heat shield ain't worth
two damns, neither.
256
00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:11,705
What the hell do you mean,
257
00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:13,082
stereotypical
black-jargon light?
258
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,254
And what are you saying?
259
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:15,734
Say, man, if I was you,
I'd get the hell up out
260
00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:17,669
this rocket, man.
261
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:18,841
Goonie-goo-goo!
262
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:20,214
Now, that's a fire!
263
00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:24,410
Is it normal
for a rocket ship to be on fire like that?
264
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:25,578
I mean, I watch a lot of movies.
265
00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:28,811
That usually means that
somebody about to die.
266
00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:30,416
Look, Black Astronaut Dynamite,
267
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,772
M.A.S.A. appreciates
your sacrifice.
268
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:33,974
Sincerely, he does.
269
00:11:34,068 --> 00:11:35,228
Man, you better sincerely get
270
00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:37,565
Black Dynamite's ass out
of this damn rocket!
271
00:11:37,655 --> 00:11:41,523
Aw, your shit's about to
blow up in 7... 6..5...
272
00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:43,609
aw, damn, I counted wrong.
273
00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:50,832
Oh, Lord, I'm fainting.
274
00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:51,750
Oh!
275
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:53,998
Aah!
276
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:55,453
Black Astronaut Dynamite.
277
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,755
Come in,
Black Astronaut Dynamite!
278
00:11:57,842 --> 00:11:59,128
Ohh!
279
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,051
Don't you die on me!
280
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,593
Well, that's all
M.A.S.A. can do.
281
00:12:05,683 --> 00:12:07,890
Who's up for some Roscoe's?
282
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:10,218
♪ Dynamite! Dynamite ♪
283
00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:12,020
'Twas the night
before Christmas,
284
00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:15,269
and all through the place,
there were no bitches in bed
285
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,067
nor honkeys being chased
286
00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:20,942
because Black Dynamite's
ass was lost in space.
287
00:12:21,032 --> 00:12:22,818
Space, space...
288
00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:27,115
Today on this wonderful
snow-white Christmas eve,
289
00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:29,663
our nation mourns
another almost-was that
290
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:33,708
could have been,
but was never meant to be.
291
00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:37,004
Good night, sweet Dynamite.
292
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:40,378
Your blackness will
never be forgotten.
293
00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:41,333
Lord, no!
294
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:43,088
Jesus, Lord, why him?!
295
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:47,047
You could have took
anybody but him ...or me.
296
00:12:47,141 --> 00:12:50,224
Does this mean we're
not getting moon rocks?
297
00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:51,221
You!
298
00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:52,677
Y'all did this!
299
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:55,981
You killed Black Dynamite with
your moon rocks and your dreams
300
00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:58,354
and your hopes for
a better future!
301
00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:00,481
And now he's dead!
302
00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:02,232
Right before Christmas!
303
00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:05,865
I-I'm sorry.
304
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:06,987
I guess I went too far.
305
00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:08,347
It's a stressful
time of the year.
306
00:13:08,371 --> 00:13:09,515
I mean, y'all burnt the turkey.
307
00:13:09,539 --> 00:13:11,325
Uh, Black Dynamite's burnt up.
308
00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:13,373
Let's deck the halls, fuck it.
309
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,913
Man, I ain't never
done no crying.
310
00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:20,372
I ain't lying.
311
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:21,831
Are you okay, Bullhorn?
312
00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:24,293
I guess the shock and
disbelief will stick with me
313
00:13:24,387 --> 00:13:27,675
for a while because getting
killed in the line of duty
314
00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:29,756
just wasn't
Black Dynamite's style.
315
00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:31,137
I know.
316
00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:34,640
But for the sake of those whores
and those orphans in that there
317
00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:37,894
Whorephanage and for Black
Dynamite up in heaven,
318
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:40,225
we're gonna have to pull
together to honor his big,
319
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:45,406
black memory and make this
the best Christmas ever.
320
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:47,251
Now, how the hell are we
supposed to do that?
321
00:13:52,623 --> 00:13:53,988
It's O.J. Simpson!
322
00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:55,244
Oh, ho-ho-ho!
323
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,335
Who's O.J.?
324
00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:58,368
My name is Santa Simpson!
325
00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:01,455
It's like big Black Dynamite
is looking down and
326
00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:04,758
giving us a big,
black blessing from above.
327
00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:19,889
Say, man, there goes an
abandoned Soviet space station.
328
00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:22,776
If I was you,
/'d get on the motherfucker.
329
00:15:07,782 --> 00:15:09,193
Look, monkey!
330
00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:11,387
Black Dynamite ain't never
fucked up no space chimp at
331
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:13,573
zero G's before, but I'm
trying to be more likeable,
332
00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:15,074
so I'm offering a truce.
333
00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:18,702
Now, are there a barrel of you
motherfuckers or are you the only one?
334
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:24,795
Just like I thought.
335
00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:27,027
You a monkey all alone up in
space with no monkey pussy
336
00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:28,166
or nothing.
337
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:30,252
And now you done lost
your monkey mind, huh?
338
00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:33,717
Somehow I feel like
I know the feeling,
339
00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:35,094
but I don't.
340
00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:36,515
How'd you get up here, anyway?
341
00:15:58,666 --> 00:16:00,703
So your brother monkey
and your monkey
342
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,534
government abandoned you to die
343
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:05,040
and spend the holidays
all alone, too, huh?
344
00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:07,937
Well, I need to contact
those space honkeys
345
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,378
at M.A.S.A. so
they can get your
346
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,801
monkey ass and my
man ass up out of here.
347
00:16:20,021 --> 00:16:22,638
O.J. Simpson, hero of the doomed
moon mission,
348
00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:25,690
who somehow miraculously
survived the explosion,
349
00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:28,564
visits the Whorephanage
of deceased space martyr
350
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:31,237
Black Dynamite to
give comfort to his friends,
351
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:32,906
orphans, and whores.
352
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:35,404
I just want these orphans
to have a real Christmas,
353
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:37,514
even if I have to step into
Black Dynamite's shoes and
354
00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:39,495
do what he is tragically
unable to do now,
355
00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:42,199
nor at anytime in the future.
356
00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:45,411
Is it any wonder why O.J.
Simpson is the most likeable
357
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:48,372
and therefore the most
respected black man in American
358
00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:49,581
history now?
359
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,632
And I'm willing to
predict forever.
360
00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:54,711
Walter Cronkite, mark my words,
there will come a day when
361
00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:57,046
America no longer
likes O.J. Simpson.
362
00:16:57,141 --> 00:16:58,848
You can mark my words.
363
00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:01,934
What's that, boy?
364
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,301
You know how to get to the moon?
365
00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:05,730
And it has the
rocks I need on it?
366
00:17:05,816 --> 00:17:07,085
Well, that's amazing, monkey,
'cause you didn't even know I
367
00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:08,440
needed any rocks.
368
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,895
Well, where is this moon, and
show me where I can find it.
369
00:17:18,496 --> 00:17:19,702
Come on, monkey!
370
00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:22,451
It's beginning to look
a lot like Christmas!
371
00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:36,073
All I know, monkey,
is if they all
372
00:17:36,097 --> 00:17:38,213
out of moon rocks,
I'm gonna be pissed.
373
00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:39,468
Can you dig it?
374
00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:52,569
Amazon bitches on the moon.
375
00:17:52,655 --> 00:17:53,486
Ain't that some shit.
376
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:55,780
Silence, black muscle man!
377
00:17:55,866 --> 00:17:58,011
Look, I'm only here to collect
moon rocks for Christmas,
378
00:17:58,035 --> 00:17:59,070
then I'll be on my way.
379
00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:00,868
Likely story!
380
00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:03,913
Just like a man to come to the
moon in order to infiltrate our
381
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:08,119
base, find our secret weapon and
interrupt my evil master plan
382
00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:11,705
to destroy the Earth
at the last minute!
383
00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:13,756
I would ask how you
amazon bitches got here,
384
00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:15,208
but I ain't got the time.
385
00:18:15,303 --> 00:18:17,614
I got to get back to Earth with
these moon rocks for Christmas
386
00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:18,924
before there ain't no Christmas.
387
00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:22,349
Oh, go ahead and go back to
Earth, Black Dynamite.
388
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:26,474
You'll get there just in time
...to see it destroyed!
389
00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:31,641
Now, that's some real
bitch shit literally.
390
00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:34,524
Try and stop us, Black Dynamite.
391
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:37,026
Now, beating up on amazon moon
bitches ain't Black Dynamite's
392
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:40,074
style and would make me very
unlikeable as a character,
393
00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:43,279
but my Soviet monkey friend
here ain't as evolved as me.
394
00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:58,968
Oh, you done fucked with
the wrong bitch, monkey!
395
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,497
Now how am I supposed to get
back to Earth in time
396
00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:08,932
for Christmas?
397
00:19:09,023 --> 00:19:12,516
All these moon rocks and not a
goddamn orphan to give them to!
398
00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:14,100
Monkey, I was wrong.
399
00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:17,859
This ain't looking
nothing like Christmas.
400
00:19:17,948 --> 00:19:21,361
Fuck you,
O.J. Simpso-o-o-n!
401
00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:34,458
Hos, hos, and more hos!
402
00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:36,130
Merry Christmas, sucker!
403
00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:37,298
Black Santa Claus?
404
00:19:37,385 --> 00:19:38,695
What the fuck are
you doing on the moon?
405
00:19:38,719 --> 00:19:41,962
Amazon moon bitches got
children, too, Black Dynamite.
406
00:19:45,101 --> 00:19:46,637
Shit.
407
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:49,219
Santa, you got room on that
sleigh for Black Dynamite,
408
00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:50,803
a Soviet Russian monkey friend,
409
00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:53,265
and a flock of amazon
moon-bitch orphans?
410
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:55,441
♪ Dynamite! Dynamite ♪
411
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:58,029
♪ We'll be... ♪
412
00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:00,717
We really do appreciate
all you've done for us,
413
00:20:00,741 --> 00:20:02,511
O.J. Simpson, especially in
the light of our recent and
414
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:03,650
ongoing tragedy.
415
00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:04,824
You are one righteous dude.
416
00:20:05,913 --> 00:20:07,641
That's what they say...
Nobody's more righteous
417
00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:08,826
than The Juice.
418
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:09,951
Good old O J...
419
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:12,249
Orenthal motherfuckin' Simpson.
420
00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:13,747
O.J., you all right?
421
00:20:13,838 --> 00:20:16,751
You know, Black Dynamite did
always say that I would go to
422
00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:19,424
the moon for the white man,
and he was right.
423
00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:20,510
I would have.
424
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:21,884
But that was the old O.J.
425
00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:24,884
The new O.J. says fuck the
white man, the moon,
426
00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:26,510
and his mama!
427
00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:30,934
O.J., you better be
careful with that knife,
428
00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:33,763
or one day you might write a
book about how you allegedly
429
00:20:33,858 --> 00:20:35,565
took some white bitch's life.
430
00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:38,643
Shut the fuck up!
431
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,320
O.J., you scaring us.
432
00:20:40,406 --> 00:20:41,758
Oh, what's wrong,
little orphan Arnold?
433
00:20:41,782 --> 00:20:42,817
You not a white woman.
434
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:44,348
You ain't got nothing
to worry about.
435
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:49,412
Whoo-hoo!
436
00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:50,579
Black Dynamite!
437
00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:52,873
Man, please tell me
this ain't no jive!
438
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:55,827
Black Dynamite made it
back from the moon alive!
439
00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:58,333
O.J.
Uh, merry Christmas, Black Dynamite.
440
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:01,760
Huh?
441
00:21:03,554 --> 00:21:05,966
Ohh!
442
00:21:07,391 --> 00:21:08,391
Ha ha!
443
00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:10,092
I threw that rock
before I left the moon!
444
00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:13,554
♪ Dynamite! Dynamite ♪
445
00:21:13,647 --> 00:21:15,558
You know, Black Dynamite,
while you were gone,
446
00:21:15,649 --> 00:21:17,856
we had a lot of time
to think about things.
447
00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:20,776
We learned to just be happy with
who we are and what we got.
448
00:21:20,863 --> 00:21:22,103
Like you always told us...
449
00:21:22,198 --> 00:21:24,155
A ho mama is
better than no mama.
450
00:21:24,241 --> 00:21:26,699
And a less likeable Black
Dynamite is better than no
451
00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:29,244
Black Dynamite at all.
452
00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:31,241
Less likeable my ass!
453
00:21:31,332 --> 00:21:32,809
I just went to the
moon for y'all kids!
454
00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:33,994
The moon!
455
00:21:34,084 --> 00:21:35,950
I'm flushing these moon rocks
down the toilet,
456
00:21:36,045 --> 00:21:37,877
you bunch of ungrateful,
non-appreciative,
457
00:21:37,963 --> 00:21:38,873
no-good mother...
458
00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:40,921
♪ Dynamite! Dynamite ♪
459
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:46,799
Black Dynamite may not
be jolly like old Saint Nick,
460
00:21:46,889 --> 00:21:49,597
but he's the one you call
when you need somebody's
461
00:21:49,683 --> 00:21:51,549
ass kicked in the dick.
462
00:21:51,644 --> 00:21:53,976
Well, Santa helper hos,
let's get our asses in flight.
463
00:21:55,356 --> 00:21:58,223
A merry Christmas to all,
and to all a Black...
464
00:21:58,317 --> 00:22:00,649
♪ Dynamite! Dynamite ♪
465
00:22:02,404 --> 00:22:04,691
♪ Dynamite! Dynamite ♪