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ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and homosexuals!
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00:00:06,381 --> 00:00:07,758
Welcome to the Dry Hump!
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Coming to the stage, we have a
very special guest tonight.
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We've seen him in such films as
"Big Trouble In Little Vagina,"
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"Oceans 11 inches,"
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"Enter The Shit
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Enter With A Dragon"!
8
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Give it up for my main man,
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Ringo-o-o-o-o Mandingo-o-o-o-o!
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This is my main man.
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[women screaming, cheering]
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Put that ding-a-ling in ya
mouth and see how it feel!
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Mandingo is in the house!
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Ding-a-ling, ding-a-ling,
ding-a-ling!
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Throw your money, baby!
Throw your money!
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Throw your money cash
in the house, baby!
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Come on, baby!
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Yeah!
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Mandingo-o-o-o-o-o-o!
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[women screaming, cheering]
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[snaps fingers]
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[engine revs]
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[funk music plays]
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[tires screech]
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Hey, you need to watch
the way you swervin'.
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You're driving Ringo Mandingo,
baby.
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I'm about to star in the biggest
porn film that's ever been seen.
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I ain't got no insurance on this
here thang between my legs.
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You know what I'm sayin'?
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Wait. Why are we in this alley?
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[brakes squeal]
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[chainsaw sputtering]
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[chainsaw revs]
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[screams]
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[splatter]
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Oh...no...
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♪ He's Dynamite ♪
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♪ So dynamite ♪
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♪ Ooohhh, ooohhh ♪
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♪ Ooohhh ♪
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♪ Ahhhh ♪
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♪ He's Dynamite ♪
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♪ Dy-no, dy-no ♪
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♪ Ooohhh, ooohhh ♪
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♪ Oooohhhh ♪
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♪ Dynamite! Dynamite! ♪
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This week...
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I've never seen
anything like it.
49
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It's unbelievable.
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It's a terrible scene.
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Can't believe it.
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Ah, look at this.
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Damn.
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I heard you had a murderous
killin' last night,
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Chief Humphry Magilahorn, but
this shit here looks intense.
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That's right, Black Dynamite,
57
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it does look intense --
and it is.
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My wife of 13 years just walked
out on me,
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I forgot to put deodorant on,
and I got hemorrhoids in
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my ass nipples.
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Hemorrhoids in your ass nipples
must make for painful farts,
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00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:47,926
but I think what Black
Dynamite's talkin' 'bout
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is all these chopped-up
body parts.
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Oh. Yeah. That.
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I guess that's pretty bad,
too.
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This guy's body is
all over the place.
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There was a leg in the dumpster,
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a foot over there in a
pile of shit and a --
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00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:01,439
Hey!
What's this over here?
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00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:03,649
Looks like a baby arm.
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00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:05,648
Cream Corn, that's
no baby arm --
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More like an
elephant trunk.
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That's Ringo Mandingo.
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I'd recognize that
tubesteak anywhere.
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What?!
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[dramatic funk plays]
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Oh, no!
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Cousin Ringo!
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I'm so sad to
see you go.
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Bullhorn?
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You mean to tell me you're
related to this Mandingo?
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Yes.
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Ever since we
were teeny-weeny,
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00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:32,255
cousin Ringy's winky was
long like a slinky.
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Mama, look here!
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You gonna be amazed!
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I finished the school year
with no missed days
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and 10 straight A's.
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Uh, don't nobody care
about your grades.
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Bullhorn, I'm runnin' out of
money for your Cousin Ringo.
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Go upstairs and get your piggy
bank so I can give him some
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mo' dough.
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This is illegal somewhere.
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[laughs]
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Yeah, even though my
grades were the best
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and I could rhyme and sing,
Ringo was the one who
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was blessed with the
supersized ding-a-ling.
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Aww.
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00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:03,869
I feel so sorry for you,
Bullhorn.
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I didn't know you were part
of the itty-bitty committee.
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At least you got a
good personality.
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Yeah, Ringo had it all,
and with that thang,
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he could never lose.
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I would give anything
and my mama
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just to walk in his underoos.
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Why would anyone want to kill
a man with such a big dick?
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Hm.
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As soon as a black
shaft starts to rise,
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the man has to
bring him down.
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Can you dig it?
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Nah, Black Dynamite,
it ain't the mans this time.
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This is the work
of a serial killer.
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This makes the fourth black
porn star this week.
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They were all supposed to be in
that new interracial skin flick.
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Ladies and gentlemen,
we've seen horse on horse.
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We've seen horse on girl,
boy on girl, boy on boy,
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black boy on boy.
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[laughs]
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We've seen white
girl on horse.
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And now we are
about to break
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the last erotic
taboo there is left --
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The first
black-on-white porn.
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"Willy Wanker And
The Chocolate Fucktory"
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Rated Triple-X.
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00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:01,768
AGENT: The first one to get
picked off was Slappy Long Strokem,
126
00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:03,265
then Humpy Dangle...
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00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:04,312
Darth Invader...
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00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:05,309
Pelvis Pressly...
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Dickie Jiggler...
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and now...Ringo Mandingo.
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Whew!
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Now, that's a mouthful.
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We need to do something.
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Now, you stay out of this one,
Black Dynamite.
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We don't need your vigilante
justice on this case.
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Now, see there? I wasn't
even gonna take the case.
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But since you said notto
take it, I'm-a take it.
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Is that right?
139
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Wrong or right,
right or wrong --
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When a cracker tells Black
Dynamite not to do something,
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he does it, Jack.
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Well, in that case,
don't go jump off a bridge,
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Black Dynamite.
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Your reverse honky psychology
don't work on me, Copper.
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Black Dynamite's on the case.
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[dramatic jazz plays]
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OFFICER:
Hey, Chief!
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We found two bowling balls!
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♪ Dynamite! Dynamite! ♪
150
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[beep]
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MOVIE DIRECTOR:
A-a-a-a-a-and action!
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Did somebody order a pizza?
153
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[giggling]
154
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Ooh.
155
00:05:58,567 --> 00:05:59,819
I thought you
would never come.
156
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Now get in here and
give me that anchovy.
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- DIRECTOR: Cut! Cut! Cut!
- PORN STAR: [groans]
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How many times do I
have to tell you?!
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It's "Sausage"!
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An anchovy is not a
euphemism for a penis!
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When have you ever heard a man
refer to his wiener as a tiny,
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smelly fish?!
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- Um...
- DIRECTOR: Shut...up!
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Everybody, take five!
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I thought "Anchovies"
was a good choice.
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Black Dynamite.
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00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:25,928
You finally changed your mind
after all these years.
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You ready to get
back in the business?
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I thought I told you
honkies from the
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00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:30,523
adult-film industry
that Black Dynamite
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don't hump on
film no more.
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Now, I don't mean to butt
in on your butt flick,
173
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but I'm here to investigate
some porn murders.
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00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:38,987
Have you seen anything abnormal
around here lately?
175
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,237
Hmph. I wish I have.
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00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:41,318
That's the problem.
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Everything here is too normal.
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Porn has gotten so ass-boring
nowadays, Black Dynamite.
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I came over to this table to
get me a little treat,
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but it turns out you pink toes
are the one I want to eat.
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[both chuckle seductively]
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00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,214
I don't know how many places
a man can stick his anchovy
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before it becomes redundant.
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You mean "Sausage"?
185
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Whatever.
186
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I need something different,
187
00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:06,142
something unique that
hasn't been done before.
188
00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:08,345
You're a bottom bitch,
I'll betcha.
189
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,146
'Cause I'm the white
pussy stretcher.
190
00:07:10,221 --> 00:07:12,269
[both chuckle seductively]
191
00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:15,353
My dream was to do this
"Willy Wanker" movie,
192
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:18,564
but Ringo's dead, and
those are some pretty big,
193
00:07:18,647 --> 00:07:20,149
black shorts to fill.
194
00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:22,279
I'll break your heart.
Better watch out, girl.
195
00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:26,159
I'm certified in cunnilingus
in all corners of the world!
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[both squeal]
197
00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:30,287
[twinkle!]
198
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,745
[all moaning]
[twinkle!]
199
00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:33,919
WOW!
200
00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:36,168
Look at all those
panties droppin'!
201
00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:38,045
In all my years
in this business,
202
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:40,126
I have never seen
a penis do that --
203
00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:41,757
not even Ringo's!
204
00:07:41,836 --> 00:07:45,932
It's the way he
rhymes those words.
205
00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:47,133
That's it!
206
00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:49,640
I'm gonna make you a star!
207
00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:53,019
A big, bright, black, shining
star!
208
00:07:53,098 --> 00:07:55,851
Yes! This is good!
I love it!
209
00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:57,527
That's wonderful, Bullhorn!
210
00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,775
You're gonna be famous,
just like Ringo.
211
00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:01,527
They say it's the
motion of the ocean,
212
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:03,358
not the size
of the boat.
213
00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:06,695
But I guess neither one matters
when you got a sweet throat.
214
00:08:06,778 --> 00:08:07,950
That should
be your name --
215
00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:09,781
"Sweet Throat" --
Kind of rolls off the tongue,
216
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:11,332
like "Cream Corn."
217
00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:13,331
Okay, now. We can't let
all these sweet throats
218
00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:15,458
and panties distract us
from our porn mission.
219
00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:17,710
[music slows, stops]
220
00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:19,211
Oops. Sorry.
221
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,292
Now, Bullhorn, I'm-a need
you to go undercover --
222
00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:23,049
Deeper than you
ever been before.
223
00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:25,096
I want you to pretend to be one
of these fuckers so you can
224
00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:26,343
bring this sucker down.
225
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:27,720
Don't worry, Black Dynamite.
226
00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:30,973
I'll go deeper than any
deep-sea diver or oil driller.
227
00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:35,398
I'll be the best undercover lover
and find cousin Ringo's killer.
228
00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:37,146
[twinkle!]
229
00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:38,568
Damn. He's good.
230
00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:41,192
♪ Dynamite! Dynamite! ♪
231
00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:48,907
Ladies, as you can see,
232
00:08:48,987 --> 00:08:50,614
I'm just an ordinary
porn star fuckin'
233
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:52,370
and suckin' for a check.
234
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:53,746
But would any of you
professional hoes
235
00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:57,045
happen to know who rung
Ringo Mandingds neck?
236
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,747
[both moan ]
237
00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:04,795
"Pipe Reams,"
take 4.
238
00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:09,053
I'm too cool with a big
0l' tool that'll make you
239
00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:10,429
Call your mama tonight!
240
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,761
And when she answers the phone,
tell her Mr. Sweet Throat
241
00:09:12,844 --> 00:09:15,313
himself is layin'
the windpipes just right.
242
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:16,731
[moans]
243
00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:17,853
[twinkle!]
244
00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:19,149
Yes! This is good!
245
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:22,570
[telephone rings]
246
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:23,862
Hello?
247
00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:25,440
Is it me you're
lookin' for'?
248
00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:26,740
Bullhorn,
what's the skinny?
249
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:28,739
You find this
serial-killin' turkey yet?
250
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:31,287
Sorry, Black Dynamite, but
I ain't got no time to waste.
251
00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:34,206
Right about now, Sweet Throat
has to get back on the case.
252
00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:35,454
BLACK DYNAMITE:
Well, let me know if you need some help,
253
00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:37,285
because I ain't really
doing shit right now.
254
00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:38,790
[click, dial tone]
255
00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:39,917
TELEPHONE OPERATOR:
We're sorry. If you'd like --
256
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:41,919
Black Dynamite ain't
used to waiting
257
00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:43,420
for nobody
to do nothing.
258
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:46,174
I got to think of something to
take my mind off of all this thinking.
259
00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:48,671
"Facial Delivery,"
take 2.
260
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:51,884
Special delivery for
Ms. Mary Mack.
261
00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:53,889
I can give it to you
here in the front
262
00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,641
or I can put it in the back.
263
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:56,596
[moans]
264
00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:57,475
[twinkle!]
265
00:09:57,555 --> 00:09:58,852
DIRECTOR:
Yes! I love it!
266
00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:02,944
[shutters click, crowd cheers ]
267
00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:07,361
[crowd chants "Sweet Throat!"]
268
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:10,652
Suey Suey Suey Suey Suey!
269
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:13,284
"Spontaneous Cumbustin',"
take 5.
270
00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:16,574
Ma'am, I got a complaint
that some pussy was
271
00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:17,875
stuck in a tree.
272
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,794
If anybody can
get that cat,
273
00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:22,167
you can bet your vagingo
it's gonna be me.
274
00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:23,669
[moans]
[twinkle!]
275
00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:25,466
MOVIE DIRECTOR: Oh, my God.
This is fucking gorgeous!
276
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:26,418
[crowd cheering ]
277
00:10:26,501 --> 00:10:29,675
Rack focus! Rack focus!
278
00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:31,427
Yes! I love it!
279
00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:34,009
[ Crowd chants "Sweet Throat!" ]
280
00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:37,187
Black Dynamite.
281
00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:38,684
Black Dynamite!
282
00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:39,980
Black Dynamite!!
283
00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:41,649
Honey Bee, what did I tell
you about interruptin'
284
00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:42,941
my jump-ropin'?
285
00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:44,940
Man, you got this place
smellin' like hot-dog water.
286
00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:46,566
You need to get out
of this dojo.
287
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:47,898
You been here for two weeks.
288
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:48,903
[telephone rings]
289
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,154
Hello?
290
00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:52,201
Black Dynamite, I know you told
me not to interrupt your
291
00:10:52,277 --> 00:10:54,905
jump-roping, but this
is getting really serious.
292
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,706
Please don't tell me another
black dick is in the dirt.
293
00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:58,124
No.
294
00:10:58,199 --> 00:11:01,544
It's way, way worse than a
black dick this time, Dynamite.
295
00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:03,246
It's a white woman!
296
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:04,706
[dramatic notes play]
297
00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:05,665
And she's white!
298
00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:06,624
[dramatic notes play]
299
00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:09,177
Chief Magilahorn, no disrespect,
but crackers come and go.
300
00:11:09,252 --> 00:11:10,219
What else you got?
301
00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:11,296
One more thing.
302
00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:13,507
There's only two
black porn stars left,
303
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:16,389
and if somebody slays
Isaac Layes...
304
00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:18,720
then your man
Bullhorn is next.
305
00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:21,431
[dramatic funk plays]
306
00:11:23,057 --> 00:11:24,434
Damn.
With a sting like that,
307
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,485
I know it's got to be
some heavy shit.
308
00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:27,562
Don't you worry, Chief.
309
00:11:27,645 --> 00:11:29,238
You told me not
to catch this turkey,
310
00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:31,316
so I promised to catch him.
[receiver clicks]
311
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:32,525
Everything all right,
B.D.?
312
00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:34,703
No. Things are getting deeper
and deeper
313
00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:36,654
within the thighs
of this porn case,
314
00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:38,786
and I haven't heard a thing
from Bullhorn this whole time
315
00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:40,162
I've been
jumping this rope.
316
00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:41,288
I'm sure everything's
gonna be fine,
317
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:42,243
Black Dynamite.
318
00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:43,374
Give Bullhorn a chance.
319
00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:44,750
He might surprise you.
320
00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:45,876
But if he donTsurprise me,
321
00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:48,549
he might wake up dead.
322
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:55,299
Isaac Layes, being a porn
star is better than sex.
323
00:11:55,381 --> 00:12:00,057
All the fame, all the dames,
all the motherfucking checks.
324
00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:01,433
[laughs]
325
00:12:01,512 --> 00:12:02,684
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
326
00:12:02,764 --> 00:12:03,890
It's all right, I guess.
327
00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:06,192
But I sure do miss
your cousin Ringo.
328
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:09,020
You know, even though he did
have a supersized ding-a-ling,
329
00:12:09,103 --> 00:12:12,778
He was always jealous of you
'cause you could rhyme and sing.
330
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:15,360
Hey, well, I'd love to hang
out with you some more,
331
00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:18,743
Sweet Throat, but I gots to go
read this "Willy Wanker" script.
332
00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:20,823
You see, it was supposed
to be Ringo's role,
333
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:23,751
but since we're
the only two black porn stars left,
334
00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:27,126
looks like we gettin' all
the work from now on, baby.
335
00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:38,638
[ominous music plays]
336
00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:41,765
You a bad motherfucker.
No, you a bad motherfucker.
337
00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:45,599
No, you a bad mother--
shut yo' mouth!
338
00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:50,937
My grave --
Ca" you dig it?
339
00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:54,240
♪ Dynamite! Dynamite! ♪
340
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:01,915
[engine idling]
341
00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:05,626
[engine revs]
342
00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:08,376
[funk music plays]
343
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:11,628
Hold on to your hoohahs
and your chachas,
344
00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:14,336
'cause Sweet Throat gotcha!
345
00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:15,671
[women screaming, cheering]
346
00:13:15,753 --> 00:13:18,222
They call me Sweet Dick Willy,
the three-hole filler
347
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:21,802
'cause I'm a thrilla in vanilla
and the bedspring killer!
348
00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:24,478
[laughs]
349
00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:31,102
[laughing]
350
00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:34,109
Bullhorn, what kind of triple-x
treachery has taken over you?
351
00:13:34,188 --> 00:13:35,280
"Bullhorn"?
352
00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:38,951
Man, I'm so loved
and motherfuckin' rich!
353
00:13:39,027 --> 00:13:42,998
From now on, you call me
"Sweet Throat," bitch!
354
00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:45,291
[laughs]
355
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:48,165
I got a riddle for you
tonight that's outta sight!
356
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:51,669
What did the five fingers
say to the black --
357
00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:55,753
♪ Dynamite! Dynamite! ♪
358
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:58,338
Security! Securityl!
359
00:13:58,421 --> 00:14:00,469
I need you to secure me!
360
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:04,560
Suey!
361
00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:06,228
[high-pitched]
Mama.
362
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,149
Bullhorn, I knew you was
way in over your head,
363
00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:11,396
but it's worse
than I thought.
364
00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:13,353
You way in over your
head and your body.
365
00:14:13,436 --> 00:14:15,404
The only reason I wanted you
to stick your dick in the porn
366
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,073
business was to catch this
serial killer with it.
367
00:14:17,148 --> 00:14:19,321
But I see you're only
using it to live the life.
368
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,823
Now, I know you're having fun
making whoopee with your throat,
369
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:23,871
but there's still a killer out
there on the loose that has a
370
00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:25,664
bullet with "Bullhorn"
written all over it.
371
00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:27,868
Black Dynamite, you were
blessed with the talent to
372
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:29,452
fuck up a sucker.
373
00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:32,505
I was blessed with the talent
to rhyme "sucker" with "fucker".
374
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:35,629
I'm bigger than any serial
killer could ever be.
375
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,587
So how 'bout you go
solve crimes and kick ass
376
00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:41,263
and just let me be me?
377
00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:47,682
[siren wailing in distance]
378
00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:49,764
[slurping ]
379
00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:51,190
It's my fault,
Honey Bee.
380
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:52,938
I should have been the
undercover dick in this porn
381
00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:54,394
case instead of Bullhorn,
382
00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:56,229
and then he wouldn't be
experiencing the life.
383
00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:58,986
Well, Black Dynamite,
they do say experience
384
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,191
is the best teacher.
385
00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:03,118
Yeah, but somebody's got
to teach experience.
386
00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:04,446
Never mind.
387
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:05,951
It sounded deep
when I thought it.
388
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:08,328
I just wish I could think deep
about who this killer is so we
389
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:09,625
can save Bullhorn.
390
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:11,202
Here you go, Black Dynamite.
391
00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:12,662
Two orders of
grits and jello.
392
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,873
Enjoy!
393
00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:15,878
[dramatic music plays]
394
00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:16,879
Wait.
395
00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:19,086
Roscoe, say what you
just said again.
396
00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:20,135
"Enjoy"?
397
00:15:20,211 --> 00:15:21,383
No. Before that.
398
00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:22,634
"Two orders of
grits and jello"?
399
00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:23,635
Before that.
400
00:15:23,714 --> 00:15:24,715
"Here you go"?
401
00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:26,642
After that.
402
00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:27,684
"Black Dynamite"?
403
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:28,682
Yes!
404
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,980
And what's on
Black Dynamite's plate?
405
00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:33,023
Grits and jello?
406
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:34,897
Exactly!
407
00:15:34,976 --> 00:15:36,023
Quick --
what does jello do,
408
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:37,479
beside taste
shitty with grits?
409
00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:38,484
Wiggle?
410
00:15:38,563 --> 00:15:39,564
Jiggle!
411
00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:41,991
And why is jello so
wiggly and jiggly?
412
00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:45,411
Jello is so wiggly and jiggly
because it's made with gelatin,
413
00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:48,831
which is formed with the protein
molecules found in a fibrous
414
00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:50,249
material called collagen.
415
00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:55,125
That can also be found in cream
cheese, gravies, sausage, and
416
00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:56,046
marshmallows!
417
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:57,339
That's right.
418
00:15:57,415 --> 00:15:58,382
Marshmallows.
419
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,335
And what do you call a
marshmallow with a layer of
420
00:16:00,418 --> 00:16:03,092
chocolate, sandwiched between
two pieces of graham crackers
421
00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:04,138
at a campfire?
422
00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:05,305
A S'more!
423
00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:07,850
You damn right, Honey Bee,
and I'm-a give you some more.
424
00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:09,973
Now, what's the only thing
blacker than a s'more
425
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:11,520
that's not
at a campfire?
426
00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:12,643
Chuck Berry.
427
00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:14,269
Close,
but blacker than that.
428
00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:15,850
A Black Panther.
429
00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:19,028
Now, the only panthers we know
that ain't black are what?
430
00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:20,525
Pink!
431
00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:23,028
Now, everybody -- what's the
theme from "The Pink Panther"?
432
00:16:23,107 --> 00:16:26,486
ALL: ♪ Da dunt, da dunk,
da dunt, da dunt, da dunt ♪
433
00:16:26,569 --> 00:16:29,368
Now rewind that and
slow it down.
434
00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,165
ALL:
♪ Da-dant, dad-ant, dad-ant --
435
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,537
Dead ant!
436
00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:34,995
And when an ant ain't dead,
he lives in a colony,
437
00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:36,920
and another word
for "Colony" is...?
438
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,589
A clan?
439
00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:39,711
Which is short for...?
440
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:41,167
Ku Klux Klan!
441
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:42,376
Right.
442
00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:44,053
So what they're really
saying is...
443
00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:48,884
The Black Panthers and
the Klan took out Ringo!
444
00:16:48,966 --> 00:16:51,139
They're the only ones that
wouldn't want to see a
445
00:16:51,219 --> 00:16:54,598
black willy inside
a white lily!
446
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,307
Honey Bee, you follow
these fuck flicks.
447
00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:59,189
When is the filming of this
black-and-white chocolate fucktory.
448
00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:01,362
Oh shit Black Dynamite --
I think it's tonight.
449
00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:03,314
We got to do something quick,
fast, and in a hurry,
450
00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:04,865
and we can't
waste no time.
451
00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:09,117
Honey Bee, Cream Corn, let's
make like a banana and split.
452
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:10,287
That's it!
453
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:13,333
The Black Panthers and
the Klan took out Ringo!
454
00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:15,830
♪ Dynamite! Dynamite!
455
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,792
A-a-a-a-and action!
456
00:17:20,623 --> 00:17:25,504
Ladies, hold your breast, make
a wish, and count to three.
457
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:31,468
Willy Wanker's about to fulfill
all your chocolate fantasies.
458
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,224
Come with me.
459
00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:34,975
I will please.
460
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:38,103
In a world that's
purely interracial.
461
00:17:38,182 --> 00:17:42,358
On your knees, little sleaze,
and you'll see
462
00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:44,438
when you perform fellatio.
463
00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:47,988
The only way to make
things proppa...
464
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:51,446
is to suck on my
everlasting gobstoppa!
465
00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:56,911
You can suck it till tomorra...
and it'll never get smalla!
466
00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:58,495
I'll begin...
467
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,046
in your end...
468
00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:03,295
With a swirl of chocolate
penetration.
469
00:18:03,374 --> 00:18:04,876
What you'll feel...
470
00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:06,381
will exceed...
471
00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:09,509
any Caucasian expectations.
472
00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:14,552
Honkies, don't try this at home,
'cause you might break
473
00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:15,477
your bone.
474
00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:16,770
[moans]
475
00:18:16,846 --> 00:18:21,568
If you want to feel paradise,
simply drop your drawers
476
00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:22,985
and screw it.
477
00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:26,109
Anything you want,
we'll do it.
478
00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:28,862
Want a ménage à trois?
479
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:30,784
Ain't a damn thing to it.
480
00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:31,907
Uh-oh.
481
00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:34,580
Looks like too many umpa
humpas in the rumpa.
482
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:39,377
There's no honky that I
know that compares
483
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:41,580
to willy and his wanker.
484
00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:44,541
Once you go black,
you won't go back.
485
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:47,878
Yes, it's true --
we do all pack.
486
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,429
[shotguns cock]
487
00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:55,135
Why don't you drop that
black wanker, Willy?
488
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:56,844
[guns cock]
489
00:18:56,927 --> 00:18:58,474
You heard the pecker --
drop the dick.
490
00:18:58,554 --> 00:18:59,521
Put it on the floor.
Yeah.
491
00:18:59,597 --> 00:19:01,019
This is good! Keep rolling.
492
00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:04,068
This can't be the dream Martin
Luther King had in sight.
493
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:07,522
When the Ku Klux Klan and Black
Panthers would unite to fight.
494
00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:08,902
That's "Black Pumas."
495
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,654
Huey P. already
trademarked the panther.
496
00:19:10,733 --> 00:19:12,531
As it turns out, not only
was Huey P. a hell of a
497
00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:15,329
revolutionary, he was
also extremely litigious.
498
00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:17,452
Now, the Black Pumas and the
Ku Klux Klan members all over
499
00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:19,954
The world have worked too long
and hard to establish our hatred
500
00:19:20,034 --> 00:19:22,287
for each other for you porn
stars to come along with one
501
00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:24,873
interracial fuck flick
and take it all away!
502
00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:27,549
Do you know how many lynchin's
and cross-burnin's it
503
00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:28,968
took to get here?
504
00:19:29,043 --> 00:19:33,765
You have no idea what kind of
sacrifices we've made,
505
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:35,216
do you, boy?
506
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:37,222
So yeah, we have come
together for a short period
507
00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:39,895
of time to stop you
counterrevolutionary motherfuckers.
508
00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:42,974
'Cause once you open
them black-on-white
509
00:19:43,057 --> 00:19:44,149
fuck gates...
510
00:19:44,225 --> 00:19:45,522
They'll never be
able to close.
511
00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:46,648
Hang him by the balls,
bubbah!
512
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:49,526
Kiss your black willy goodbye,
porn boy.
513
00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:52,233
[gunshot]
514
00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:54,569
♪ Dynamite! Dynamite! ♪
515
00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:56,946
What the hell?!
516
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:58,747
If you're wondering where
the real crackers are,
517
00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:00,370
let's just say
they're tied up.
518
00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:01,746
[muffled groans]
519
00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:03,999
'Cause I tied 'em up.
520
00:20:04,078 --> 00:20:05,796
From the look of things,
I thought this would be
521
00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:08,590
the last time a motherfucker
would hear me rhyme,
522
00:20:08,666 --> 00:20:12,261
but my main man, Black Dynamite,
came right on time.
523
00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:15,135
Now ain't the time for this
Kumbaya shit. Bullhorn,
524
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,558
let's go integrate our
feet in some racist ass!
525
00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:19,306
Yes! I love it!
526
00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:20,682
Roll the music!
527
00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:22,479
[funk music plays]
528
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:26,521
Ahhhh!
529
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:27,522
Wait! We all brothers!
530
00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:28,443
Suey!
531
00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:30,192
- No!
[gunshot]
532
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:37,744
Get her! Get her! Get her!
533
00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:38,662
Get her! Get her!
534
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:41,958
[Klansmen groaning]
535
00:20:42,032 --> 00:20:43,079
BULLHORN:
Sucka, take that!
536
00:20:43,159 --> 00:20:46,413
This mushroom dick
in your ass!
537
00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:47,747
[thud]
538
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:52,176
I'm sorry,
Black Dynamite.
539
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:53,878
I was way out of my league.
540
00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:57,716
Curiosity killed the cat,
but Sweet Thr-- I mean,
541
00:20:57,798 --> 00:21:00,597
Bullhorn was almost
murdered by greed.
542
00:21:00,676 --> 00:21:02,098
It's okay, Bullhorn.
543
00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:04,852
I think the most important thing
we learned is that, sometimes,
544
00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:08,025
having a giant johnson is just
enough rope to hang yourself.
545
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:11,604
The moral of the day is,
"Bullhorn shouldn't get
546
00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:13,485
paid for gettin' laid,
because a bird in the hand
547
00:21:13,564 --> 00:21:16,408
is worth two in the bush
or three in the tush."
548
00:21:16,484 --> 00:21:18,031
Wait -- was that the
moral of the story?
549
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:20,363
I thought it was not mixing
pornos with friendships.
550
00:21:20,446 --> 00:21:21,823
Or was that mixing pumas
and crackers?
551
00:21:21,906 --> 00:21:23,123
No.
552
00:21:23,199 --> 00:21:25,748
The moral was definitely "don't
fuck with a white bitch,
553
00:21:25,826 --> 00:21:27,328
or you'll end up dead.
554
00:21:27,411 --> 00:21:29,880
♪ Dynamite! Dynamite! ♪
555
00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:31,673
DIRECTOR:
And cut! That's a wrap!