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Previously on
"Black Dynamite"...
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[tires screech]
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All right, freeze!
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00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:08,600
Aw, look at the police!
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00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:10,097
Didn't you see the sign?
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"No Ninja Loitering"!
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Who you callin' a ninja?
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Backup! Backup!
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00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:17,275
I think I'm gonna need backup!
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Get him. Get his ass.
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[indistinct shouting]
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Look at this old,
green bitch.
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You know what it is!
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Come up off that purse, ho!
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Ninja, please!
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[screams]
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You ninja!
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Don't take my purse!
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NINJA:
Hey, ho!
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I been robbing fools all day.
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Now give a ninja some ass,
and it better be clean!
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MAN:
Look here, ninja.
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You ain't got to talk to
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♪ Chocolate Giddy u-u-u-up's ♪
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Bitches like that!
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[thudding]
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Black Dynamite,
pimpin' ain't never been easy
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in these streets,
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but now it's damn
near impossible.
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We are being pushed around by
a bunch of out-of-control,
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ignorant ninjas that just
ain't respectin' the game,
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Black Dynamite!
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Hmm.
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The police think they can
shoot a ninja in the back just
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because he's a ninja?!
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I say fuck that!
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I say, Ninja Power!
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Wu! Wu! Wu! Wu!
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Wu! Ninja! Wu!
Ninja! Wu! Ninja!
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♪ He's Dynamite ♪
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♪ So dynamite ♪
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♪ Ooohhh, ooohhh ♪
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♪ Ooohhh ♪
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♪ Ahhhh ♪
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♪ He's Dynamite ♪
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♪ Dy-no, dy-no ♪
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♪ Ooohhh, ooohhh ♪
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♪ Oooohhhh ♪
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♪ Dynamite! Dynamite! ♪
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This week...
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Chauncey, how your baby-mama doing?
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Ninja, I ain't Chauncey.
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Sorry, my ninja. These damn masks, man.
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Honey Bee, how are them
explosive charges coming'?
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[beeping]
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All set to blow, Black Dynamite.
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Good.
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Bullhorn, we wired up yet?
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No doubt.
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Just about.
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All right, gang,
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you got until "Three-Mississippi"
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to split if you want to
keep your asses intact.
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Meet me at the getaway car,
just like we planned.
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It's time to send fiendish
Doctor Wu a message ...
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All the ninjas in the world are
no match for a couple of decent
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black folks working together with a plan...
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and some explosives.
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One-Mississippi,
two-Mississippi...
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[beep]
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♪ Dynamite ♪
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Cream Corn, step on it!
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And put your
ankles in it!
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[indistinct shouting]
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Damn it!
Where the hell is Cream Corn?
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[disco music playing]
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Yeah, yeah!
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Go get him! Go get him!
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[indistinct shouting]
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[grunts]
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Cream Corn?!
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[music continues]
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I know this motherfucker ain't
dancing on the "Soul Train" line
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while we up to our necks
in ninja shit.
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Hey, brother.
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You got something
you want to say
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to all your friends
out there?
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Hey, Black Dynamite!
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I'm on TV!
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Who the guest this week?
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And now, Ladies and Gentlemen,
the Jackson 5!
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[cheers and applause]
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[up-tempo music plays]
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[cheers and applause]
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♪ D,E,F ♪
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♪ It's easy as A, B, C ♪
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♪ More songs mean more money ♪
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♪ Pick any three ♪
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♪ It's that easy ♪
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♪ Believe you me ♪
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[thud]
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[crowd murmuring]
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[cheers and applause]
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I love you, Michael!
That's Michael Jackson!
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Aaaaaahh!
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JOSEPH:
See?
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I told y'all damn kids!
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This gon' hurt me as much
as it's gon' hurt you.
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Hey, my man.
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How do I get back to
see my man Mike Jack?
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No way.
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Mr. Jackson says nobody
goes backstage.
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I'm sorry, Michael.
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We all so...
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Shut your ass, Joseph!
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These motherfuckers messed
up on "Soul Train."
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On "So-o-u-u-ul Train"!
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Obviously whooping the living
shit out of these boys twice
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a day ain't working out,
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so we're gonna try
something different.
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[sighs]
Thank God.
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You're gonna beat they
asses four times a day!
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Man.
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Or do y'all want what
happened to Shamone?!
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[all gasp]
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I ain't no pedophile
or nothing.
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I just want to
see Mike Jack!
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Don't be a
pussy Joe.
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Kill one of these
kids with your belt!
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No!
Please, Michael!
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It's the only way these
motherfuckers are gonna learn.
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Somebody's got to die.
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No! This abuse has been
going on long enough.
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The magic and the
madness ends right now!
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Run, boys!
Save yourself!
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It's over, Michael.
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It's over!
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Oh, my God!
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Marlon Jackson?
Tito Jackson?
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Jermaine Jackson?
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What's going on
with you Jacksons?
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Beating...our asses...
Michael!
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Michael's getting
his ass beat?
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Oh, my god!
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And to think, Michael Jackson,
I treated you like you was
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my own son!
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What?! Aah!
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Micha-a-a-a-el!
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[gunshot]
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[groans]
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Joseph Jackson,
you are under arrest!
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MICHAEL:
♪ Hee, hee, hee ♪
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[beeping]
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Michael!
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[panting]
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BLACK DYNAMITE:
Michael Jackson is fine,
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thanks to you blocking
that bullet with your ass.
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Damn, y'all
look fucked up.
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That's because we were fighting
fiendish Doctor Wu and all his
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ninjas, and you were supposed to
be driving the damn getaway car.
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Oh, man!
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I forgot all about them ninjas,
Black Dynamite!
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It's a good thing I didn't
know Michael Jackson was gonna
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be on "Soul Train," or I might
not have showed up, either.
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All right, look.
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From now on, nobody's allowed to
run off to "Soul Train" and take
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a bullet for a motherfucker
without Black Dynamite's prior
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express written consent!
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[knock on door]
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MICHAEL:
Excuse me. May I come in'?
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Hi. I'm Michael.
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Oh, my God!
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That's Michael Jackson,
of the Jackson 5!
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Honey Bee, I know who
Michael Jackson is,
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and what he is of.
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Michael, are you okay?
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I'm fine, thanks to you.
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You saved my life.
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♪ I've got a friend
called Co-o-o-o-rn ♪
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Mike,
that was so beautiful.
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Like a little
black angel.
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Man, Michael J., you put
some ankles in his name!
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Don't worry,
Michael Jackson.
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I'm sure that once you grow some
man-balls, you won't sound like
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a little girl no more.
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Now, Cream Corn, these
ninjas have gone crazy,
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So we need to get
back to work.
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I'll be out in the car.
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[siren wails]
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[groaning]
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Sucka ninja, tell me
what fiendish Doctor Wu
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is up to,
and what is his plan?
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Wait. If I tell
you what he up to,
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why would I have
to tell you his plan?
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That's like the
same thing, man.
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You gonna get it together.
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Can't you see this jive
turkey is just using you
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in his diabolical plan to
achieve world-wide domination?!
199
00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:06,222
He must've saw something in me,
you know?
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He chose me out
of everybody.
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Nice little guy, too.
202
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Talking to me...
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Cream Corn, how many
times I told you not to
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interrupt my interrogation?
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00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:16,979
We need to stay focused on
breaking this ninja's will!
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[doorbell rings]
207
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WOMAN:
There's a delivery for Cream Corn!
208
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[gasps]
209
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:25,529
Look what Michael Jackson
sent for me!
210
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A pimpin' silk cape covered with
the Japanese symbol for bravery!
211
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,205
I've always wanted
one of these!
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00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,161
Damn, that shit
is groovy.
213
00:07:33,244 --> 00:07:34,666
Y'all really know
Michael Jackson?
214
00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:36,874
My ninja know Jermaine,
but everybody know Jermaine.
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00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:41,128
[laughter]
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00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:48,434
BULLHORN: Man, it ain't even cold,
and Michael Jackson's got
217
00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:50,183
it snowing in a globe.
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00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:53,185
Oh, my God! Michael!
219
00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:54,686
What are you doing here?
220
00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:56,768
I just couldn't stop thinking
about that bullet that you
221
00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:57,977
caught in your ass for me.
222
00:07:58,061 --> 00:08:00,155
That was so very, very special.
223
00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:01,948
So I thought it might be nice
to make it Christmas in July
224
00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:02,899
for you.
225
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:03,779
I hope you like it.
226
00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:04,700
Like it?!
227
00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:05,993
I want to marry it!
228
00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:07,070
It's like a dream!
229
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:08,530
Thank you, Michael Jackson!
230
00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:10,911
Thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you, Michael Jackson!
231
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,710
[people cheering]
232
00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:20,258
♪ Hee, hee, hee ♪
233
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:24,054
That Michael Jackson is
a stone-cold pimp!
234
00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:26,678
What's so stone-cold about a
little boy buying a motherfucker
235
00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:28,474
all the things
he ever dreamed of'?
236
00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:31,099
I bet he couldn't swing
a nunchuck if he tried.
237
00:08:32,887 --> 00:08:36,687
MICHAEL:
♪ Honey Bee-e-e-e-e-e ♪
238
00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:38,188
BULLHORN:
Man! That's great!
239
00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:39,565
Has any of y'all seen
my grappling hooks?
240
00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:42,147
This is called "I got
a friend called Corn."
241
00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:44,824
I said, has anyone seen
my grappling hooks?!
242
00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:51,373
♪ Corn, my daddy tried
to shoot me dead ♪
243
00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:58,206
♪ His cold steel was
pointed at my head ♪
244
00:08:58,288 --> 00:09:01,337
♪ Then like from out of ... ♪
245
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:03,714
Michael Jackson, will you stop
the goddamn singing,
246
00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:05,170
shut the fuck up,
247
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:07,506
and let a grown man
find his grappling hooks?!
248
00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:08,590
[all gasp]
249
00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:09,720
Please don't hit me,
Black Dynamite.
250
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:10,971
I didn't mean
to make you mad.
251
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,268
Trust me,
Michael Jackson.
252
00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:14,846
If I was gonna hit you,
you'da already been hit.
253
00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:17,227
Cream Corn, it's time for
Michael Jackson to go.
254
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:18,604
Go?!
255
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:20,026
But me and Michael Jackson
about to have a sleepover!
256
00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:23,025
The Whorephanage is a place
for whores and orphans,
257
00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:24,026
Not Michael Jacksons!
258
00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:25,152
You know what?
259
00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:26,949
I think you just jealous,
Black Dynamite.
260
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:27,867
Jealous?
261
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:30,115
Of him?
262
00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:31,162
Please.
263
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:32,989
Any "Solid Gold"
dancer could do that.
264
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,290
Now, I'm not asking you,
Cream Corn ...
265
00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:35,617
I'm telling you.
266
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:38,328
Michael Jackson
has got to go!
267
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:39,628
MICHAEL:
Here.
268
00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:41,047
How about I just buy
your little Whorephanage?
269
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:43,170
Then we can have as many
sleepovers as we want.
270
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:45,968
My business and these
whores are not for sale!
271
00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:47,762
Michael Jackson makes me happy,
Black Dynamite,
272
00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:48,963
and if you don't want
to see me happy,
273
00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:50,264
maybe I should just go.
274
00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:51,432
Cream Corn, if you
walk out that door,
275
00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:52,555
you might as well
never come back!
276
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:54,181
Fine!
277
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:56,183
Ain't nothin' here but a bunch
of whores and orphans anyway.
278
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:57,639
Fine.
- Fine!
279
00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:59,941
- Fine!
Fine!
280
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:01,643
Fine goddamn it, fine!
281
00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:14,035
BULLHORN:
Man, I just don't know what to say.
282
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:16,867
You just made little
Michael Jackson moonwalk away.
283
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:17,951
Mm-mm-mm.
284
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,411
If I was you,
I'd have took the check.
285
00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:21,917
♪ Dynamite ♪
286
00:10:24,666 --> 00:10:25,508
[insects chirping]
287
00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:27,506
[grunting]
288
00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:30,175
Huh?
289
00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:33,299
Look, Black Dynamite!
290
00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:34,930
Michael Jackson got the
whole Whorephanage flying!
291
00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:36,682
Pretty soon, you ain't
gonna have nobody!
292
00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:38,855
You should've took the check,
motherfucker.
293
00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:41,524
Wait. Stop!
294
00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:43,601
Thank you, Michael Jackson!
Thank you, Michael Jackson!
295
00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:44,811
Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you,
296
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:46,146
thank you,
Michael Jackson!
297
00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:52,403
[sighs]
298
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,078
What is it,
Black Dynamite?
299
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:55,906
Nothing. I'm fine.
300
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,366
You need me to
get you something?
301
00:10:57,448 --> 00:10:58,620
Naw, mama. I'm okay.
302
00:10:58,700 --> 00:10:59,701
Is everything all right?
303
00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:00,751
Yeah, it's all ...
304
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,124
is there something
I can get you'?
305
00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:04,297
Goddamn it, I already
told the second bitch "No!"
306
00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:09,295
[slow music playing]
307
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:19,346
MICHAEL:
♪ I don't care about Black Dynamite ♪
308
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:21,932
♪ Or the Whorephanage at all,
yeah ♪
309
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:25,269
♪ Be with me and all
your silly dreams ♪
310
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:29,982
♪ Will come true, I'll buy them
all, because you're mine ♪
311
00:11:30,064 --> 00:11:32,613
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
312
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,491
♪ Because that gosh
damn Corn is mine ♪
313
00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:39,916
[birds chirping]
314
00:11:39,991 --> 00:11:42,790
CREAM CORN:
♪ The very night you moonwalked in my life ♪
315
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:45,748
♪ I knew that
you were the one ♪
316
00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:48,674
♪ Got me a Japanese cape
that says "Bravery" ♪
317
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:50,878
♪ With my name,
a song you sung ♪
318
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:54,134
♪ The Corn is Mike's ♪
319
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:56,057
[laughter]
320
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:59,261
BOTH:
♪ The gosh darn Corn is Mike's ♪
321
00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:04,100
[scatting]
322
00:12:07,185 --> 00:12:09,062
That was beautiful, but I would
maybe hit that last note just a
323
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:10,613
little bit harder.
324
00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:12,065
A little harder?
325
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:13,491
Hear that, Quincy Jones?
326
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:16,536
Cream Corn thinks that I should
hit that note a little harder.
327
00:12:16,611 --> 00:12:17,908
How much harder,
Cream Corn?
328
00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:18,909
Uh, you know ...
329
00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:19,910
Well, I don't know.
330
00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:21,036
Maybe just a little bit harder?
331
00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:22,116
Just a little harder?
332
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,452
Not a lot harder?
333
00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:25,252
How hard should that hit be,
Cream Corn?
334
00:12:25,328 --> 00:12:27,330
Should it be this hard?
335
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:28,255
Ow!
I'm sorry, Michael!
336
00:12:28,331 --> 00:12:29,253
Maybe this hard!
337
00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:30,254
How hard should it be?
This hard?
338
00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:31,255
I'm sorry, man!
339
00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:32,711
You're sorry, all right!
340
00:12:32,794 --> 00:12:35,923
You the sorriest motherfucker
in this motherfucker, motherfucker.
341
00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:37,803
Don't you evertell
Michael Jackson how hard his
342
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:38,849
hits should be!
343
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:39,767
You hear me?!
344
00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:40,718
Yes, Michael!
345
00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:43,351
Yes!
346
00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:45,227
Cream Corn, now Why'd
you have to make me go
347
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,478
and do that to you?
348
00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:47,900
I'm not mad at you.
349
00:12:47,976 --> 00:12:49,523
But if you do it again...
350
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,320
I'ma kill you.
351
00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:54,023
[whimpers]
352
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:56,030
Okay, Q., I want to hurry
up so Cream Corn and I
353
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,235
can go get
some ice cream.
354
00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:58,615
Would you like that,
Cream Corn?
355
00:12:58,695 --> 00:12:59,947
Some ice cream?
356
00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:01,281
[whimpers]
357
00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:03,742
[thunder crashes]
358
00:13:09,539 --> 00:13:12,918
[rat squeaking]
359
00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:14,594
Ben?
360
00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:26,101
[doorbell rings]
361
00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:28,854
Man, Cream Corn is living
in the lap of luxury.
362
00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:30,185
That motherfucker
363
00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:32,987
Michael Jackson must be
all he's cracked up to be.
364
00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:38,072
Oh shit, have you been hit?
365
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,277
What are you
two doing here?
366
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,112
Cream Corn,
what happened to your face?
367
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:42,412
I am fine.
368
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:44,115
Michael's just under a
lot of pressure right now.
369
00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:45,541
Michael did this to you?!
370
00:13:45,616 --> 00:13:46,993
Cream Corn,
I said it once,
371
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:48,419
and I'll say it again.
372
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:51,873
Little boys shouldn't be laying
they hands on no grown-ass men.
373
00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:53,549
Oh, you comin'
home with us now.
374
00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:54,841
It'll get better.
375
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:56,294
Michael's a genius.
376
00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:57,754
You know how geniuses are.
377
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:58,804
[chuckles]
378
00:13:58,880 --> 00:13:59,972
Ri-right?
379
00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:01,550
You guys should go
before Michael sees you.
380
00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:06,020
[grunting]
381
00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:08,097
Ninja, now I'm only gonna ask
you this one more time.
382
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:09,023
Tell me where ...
383
00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:10,065
[knock on door]
384
00:14:10,141 --> 00:14:11,017
I don't know them ninjas,
man!
385
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:12,022
I said, tell me where ...
386
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:13,944
[knocking continues]
387
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:15,021
BLACK DYNAMITE:
Goddamn it!
388
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:16,481
Who's interrupting
my headlocking?
389
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:18,862
This better not have anything
to do with Cream Corn
390
00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:21,160
or Michael Jackson.
391
00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:23,579
We need to talk to you about
Cream Corn and Michael Jackson.
392
00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:26,533
Black Dynamite, please!
393
00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:29,119
That Michael Jackson ain't
who he appears to be!
394
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,079
Cream Corn may be
in real trouble.
395
00:14:31,162 --> 00:14:33,164
But there's only one
way to know for sure.
396
00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:34,464
And what's that?
397
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,338
You got to go get the
real dirt from his Daddy.
398
00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:37,589
Daddy knows.
399
00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:39,011
Fine.
400
00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:41,181
Thank you, Ninja, for
that unsolicited advice.
401
00:14:41,255 --> 00:14:42,973
And you riding bitch.
402
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,106
Black Dynamite,
thank goodness you're here.
403
00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:52,684
Michael Jackson ain't
who he appears to be.
404
00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:54,565
Your friend Cream Corn
is in real trouble.
405
00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:55,896
Told you.
406
00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:58,026
Tell me more, Joe Jackson,
and keep talking.
407
00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:01,076
Well, it all started in a tiny,
little house in a small
408
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:02,697
town called Gary, Indiana.
409
00:15:02,777 --> 00:15:04,620
We was poor, and life was
shitty. Ain't nothing
410
00:15:04,695 --> 00:15:06,789
to do in Gary but fuck
all day and hope you make a
411
00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:07,865
talented baby.
412
00:15:07,949 --> 00:15:09,075
[groaning ]
413
00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:10,501
It seemed that
every nine months,
414
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:12,578
Katherine would pop out
another Little Jackson.
415
00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:15,336
But each one was less
talented than the last.
416
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:16,587
Rebbie...
417
00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:18,259
Jackie...
418
00:15:18,334 --> 00:15:20,211
Tito...
419
00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:22,092
Jermaine...
420
00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:23,548
Shamone...
421
00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:25,008
La Toya...
422
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:26,217
Marlon...
talk about a
423
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:27,552
goddamn losing streak.
424
00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:28,636
[yawns]
425
00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:30,221
Until one night...
426
00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:31,977
[zap!]
427
00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:33,649
Huh?
428
00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:35,567
[creak]
429
00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:36,610
What the he...
430
00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:40,407
♪ Hee hee hee hee hee ♪
431
00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:41,403
I was amazed at first,
432
00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:42,779
but when I
thought about it,
433
00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:45,328
whatever it was that got her
pregnant just saved Joe Jackson
434
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:47,246
two minutes of hard work.
435
00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:51,750
The very next day,
my half-alien son,
436
00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:54,045
Michael Joseph Jackson,
was born.
437
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,122
I knew that baby wasn't mine
'cause that motherfucker
438
00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:58,424
had talent!
439
00:15:58,499 --> 00:15:59,546
♪ Hee, hee, hee ♪
440
00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:01,548
Scary as the shit was
the first time I saw it,
441
00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:03,379
the motherfucker
could sing and dance
442
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,340
and do 'em
both really well.
443
00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:06,675
♪ Hoooooo! ♪
444
00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:07,883
I needed a lead singer.
445
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,311
That's when I decided to
raise it as my own son,
446
00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:12,480
and "The Jackson 5"
was birthed!
447
00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:16,150
I sent Tito to the Joke Shop to
find an afro wig and the widest
448
00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:19,229
toy nose he could find, and I
had Katherine blacken him up
449
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:20,780
the best she could.
450
00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:24,029
And the rest is
music history.
451
00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:25,405
I tried to keep
this a secret
452
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,579
for as long as I could,
but he's abusive,
453
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:28,575
Black Dynamite!
454
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:29,871
[sniffles]
455
00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:32,826
And every time me and the boys
start fuckin' up,
456
00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:36,459
he reminds us of what happened
to poor little Shamone!
457
00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:40,508
[crying]
Shamone, Shamone, Shamonah!
458
00:16:40,583 --> 00:16:43,302
That's all I hear.
459
00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:46,881
Man, everything seems not to be
what it is, and what it is,
460
00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:48,307
seems not to be.
461
00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:50,680
My crew is in shambles, and
Cream Corn has been abducted
462
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,183
by an alien, and I don't
even know if I can save him.
463
00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:55,060
Or even if he wants me to.
464
00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:58,268
You know, man, a ninja like me got
experience with this type of thing.
465
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:00,152
What you talking 'bout,
ninja?
466
00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:03,323
Ninjas do wrong to each other
sometimes, and in that way,
467
00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:05,525
the force of the Earth
comes around the moon,
468
00:17:05,608 --> 00:17:08,532
and at that presence, the dirt,
it overshadows the grass,
469
00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:10,204
and you like,
"I can't cut this grass.
470
00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:11,747
There's no sun coming through."
471
00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:14,245
So in order to enable each
other, the two fruits have to
472
00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:16,669
look each other in the eye,
understand we can only be ripe
473
00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:17,870
as the ripe is wrong.
474
00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:19,422
You know what I mean?
475
00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:23,588
Man, I never thought I'd
see the day when the
476
00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:27,639
only person talking any
sense was a damn Ninja.
477
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:30,262
[thunder crashes]
478
00:17:35,972 --> 00:17:37,315
[whimpers]
479
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:43,897
Michael?
480
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:46,108
I think...
481
00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:48,067
I think I want to
leave Neverland.
482
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:50,278
MICHAEL:
You want to do what?
483
00:17:50,361 --> 00:17:51,408
I want to leave!
484
00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:53,706
[thunder crashes]
485
00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:55,249
MICHAEL:
No, you don't want to leave.
486
00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:56,621
You'll never want to leave!
487
00:17:56,701 --> 00:17:58,954
You want some fresh-baked
cookies, is what you want.
488
00:17:59,036 --> 00:18:01,960
Uh, no.
489
00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:04,633
But they smell so good!
490
00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:05,835
[sniffs]
491
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:07,215
[creak]
492
00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:10,390
- Oh shit.
- What the hell?!
493
00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:11,886
Look, Cream Corn.
494
00:18:11,966 --> 00:18:13,684
There's something you need to
know about Michael Jackson.
495
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:15,102
I'm an alien, Cream Corn.
496
00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:19,398
Well, half ... part human,
part mamase, mamasa, mamacoosa.
497
00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:20,565
Mamase, mamasa, mamacoosa?
498
00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:22,894
That's right ...
Mamase, mamasa, mamacoosa.
499
00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:24,229
But what does
that all mean?
500
00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:26,280
What do you think it means?
We're aliens!
501
00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:28,107
We're gonna kill all the
humans and take the planet.
502
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:29,908
But you don't have to worry
about that, Cream Corn.
503
00:18:29,984 --> 00:18:30,951
You're my friend.
504
00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:32,449
Phew. Thank God.
505
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,906
I'm just gonna impregnate you
with thousands and thousands
506
00:18:34,989 --> 00:18:36,161
of alien babies.
507
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:37,457
Do you have any
stretch pants?
508
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:38,375
What?!
509
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:39,703
Impregnate, my ass!
510
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:42,254
[screaming]
511
00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:48,510
MICHAEL: Why you want to be
starting something, Cream Corn?
512
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:51,430
[whirring]
513
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,513
No!
514
00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:59,264
Help!
515
00:19:04,935 --> 00:19:07,154
Aah!
516
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:16,197
[thunder crashes]
517
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,452
You can't leave,
Cream Corn!
518
00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:19,078
Aah!
519
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,456
[shouts indistinctly]
520
00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:29,050
[roars]
521
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:31,345
♪ Hee hee hee ♪
522
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:32,922
[screams]
523
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:35,849
Michael Jackson,
your face is horrible!
524
00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:39,186
[roars]
525
00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:41,639
♪ Dynamite ♪
526
00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:43,269
Michael Jackson,
this is it!
527
00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:44,271
Black Dynamite!
528
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:45,351
Right on time!
529
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:46,902
MICHAEL:
What are you doing here, Black Dynamite?
530
00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:48,194
Your bitch chose me!
531
00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:49,647
That's where you're wrong,
Michael Jackson.
532
00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:51,403
Black Dynamite's bitches
don't choose shit.
533
00:19:51,482 --> 00:19:54,235
Now hand over Cream Corn and
let him go free before I put a
534
00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:55,695
hurtin' on you real bad!
535
00:19:55,778 --> 00:20:00,249
[wind whistles]
536
00:20:00,324 --> 00:20:03,168
♪ Hooooooooooo! ♪
537
00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:17,012
♪ Hee hee hee hee hee ♪
538
00:20:17,091 --> 00:20:23,064
Mamase, mamasa, mamacoosa.
539
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:27,526
[distorted voice]
Now, you want to come again?
540
00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:29,695
Ninja power!
541
00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:37,195
[indistinct shouting]
542
00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:48,546
[neighs]
543
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,054
Suey!
544
00:20:55,671 --> 00:20:57,389
Huh?
545
00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:58,842
Black Dynamite!
546
00:21:08,642 --> 00:21:10,110
BOTH:
Michael!
547
00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:12,439
Michael, speak to me!
548
00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:15,240
[normal voice]
Now [coughs] we're even.
549
00:21:15,316 --> 00:21:17,239
♪ Hee-hee ♪
[coughs]
550
00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:18,945
That's some cold, sentimental
shit you just did,
551
00:21:19,028 --> 00:21:20,120
Michael Jackson.
552
00:21:20,196 --> 00:21:22,449
Cream Corn,
you're a good friend.
553
00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:25,080
I'm so sorry for abusing
and terrorizing you.
554
00:21:25,159 --> 00:21:26,035
It's okay.
555
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:27,119
It was still kind of worth it.
556
00:21:27,203 --> 00:21:28,125
At least you didn't
get me pregnant.
557
00:21:28,204 --> 00:21:29,581
Now, Michael Jackson,
558
00:21:29,663 --> 00:21:31,665
you need to choose whether you
want to use your human side
559
00:21:31,749 --> 00:21:34,423
to save humanity, or your
alien side to destroy it.
560
00:21:34,502 --> 00:21:35,674
You're right.
561
00:21:35,753 --> 00:21:37,926
I think I finally learned my
lesson, Black Dynamite.
562
00:21:38,005 --> 00:21:39,507
I'm changing my ways
from this day on.
563
00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:40,967
And a piece of advice ...
564
00:21:41,050 --> 00:21:43,098
if you're still gonna live
here amongst the earth folk,
565
00:21:43,177 --> 00:21:46,477
go back to that cute black face
with that wide-ass nose that
566
00:21:46,555 --> 00:21:47,727
America fell
in love with.
567
00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:50,401
You know, this one,
right here.
568
00:21:50,476 --> 00:21:52,649
'Cause your real face
kind of freaks me out.
569
00:21:52,728 --> 00:21:55,481
Maybe change your features
gradually over time, you know,
570
00:21:55,564 --> 00:21:57,282
so people can
get acclimated.
571
00:21:57,358 --> 00:21:58,575
Good idea.
572
00:21:59,819 --> 00:22:02,163
The other thing I would do is find a
cause you're passionate about,
573
00:22:02,238 --> 00:22:04,115
like saving the whales,
world peace,
574
00:22:04,198 --> 00:22:05,120
the children, or ...
575
00:22:05,199 --> 00:22:06,621
That's it ...
The children!
576
00:22:06,700 --> 00:22:09,078
I'm gonna spend all my time
thinking about the children!
577
00:22:09,161 --> 00:22:12,381
♪ The children, the children ♪
578
00:22:12,456 --> 00:22:13,628
Thank you, Black Dynamite!
579
00:22:13,707 --> 00:22:15,505
Glad I could help,
Michael Jackson.
580
00:22:15,584 --> 00:22:16,801
Glad I could help.
581
00:22:16,877 --> 00:22:19,005
♪ Dynamite ♪