Joan was quizzical, studied
Pataphysical
Science in the home
Late nights all alone
With a test
Tube, oh, oh, oh, oh
Maxwell Edison, majoring in medicine
Calls her on the phones
"Can I take you out to the pictures, Joa-oa-oa-oan?"
But as she's getting ready to go
A knock comes on the door

Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver
Hammer
Came down upon her head
Clang! Clang! Maxwell's silver
Hammer
Make sure that she was dead

Back in school again
Maxwell plays fool again
Teacher gets annoyed
Wishing to avoid an unpleasant
Sce-e-e-ene
She tells Max to stay when the
Class has gone away
So he waits behind
Writing fifty times "I must not be
So, o, o, o"
But when she turns her back on
The boy
He creeps up from behind

Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver
Hammer
Came down upon her head (Do-do-do-do-do)
Clang! Clang! Maxwell's silver
Hammer
Make sure that she was dead

P.C. 31 said, "We caught a dirty one"
Maxwell stands alone
Painting testimonial pictures, oh
Oh, oh, oh
Rose and Valerie, screaming from the gallery
Say he must go free
(Maxwell must go free)
The judges does not agree and he tells them
So-o-o-o
But as the words are leaving his lips
A noise comes from behind

Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver
Hammer
Came down upon his head (Do-do-do-do-do)
Clang! Clang! Maxwell's silver
Hammer
Make sure that he was dead

Whoa, whoa, whoa-oa
(Do-do-do-do-do)
(Silver hammer man)